angel of the shadow

realising

2007-07-25T03:26:00.000+08:00

its time to reflect, and time to make a change, that i seemed to be conentrating attention and thoughts on me, myself, going on the extreme ends, thinking what could happen on me only, without giving any tinge of consideration for any others. seeing him like myself, there will be one day when everyone around me dies without me realising anything. how sad. everything is i me mine myself. seriously its time to wake up, time to look around, and time to make use of the heart instead of just eyes and mouth. im truly sorry.

stucked. relying.

2007-02-23T06:58:00.000+08:00

erm today is 23rd. farewell ended on 13th. wat hav i been doing? wat hav u been doing?!
after all, not supposed to b in holiday mood yet. is it tt difficult to hand in jus 1500? can u stop dreaming?!
hai.
so enjoying in e fools paradise.

one day ure stuck here, ull b stuck forever! move on my dear..
of cos i noe~

ya ya ya u think u noe everything?!

sleeping time, 6am to 3 pm, or 8am to 5pm. wow, jus like office hour.
shiok.
n useless.

anyway.
realised e power of drama!
ding ding.
jus look at princess hour. jus look at fahrenheit.

so, new ambition!
media producer or production line. set.

set? with ur seeking-temporary-peace attitude?! come on la..

seems like a split personality conversation huh.
don b silly.

jus like e previous post.
today is fri. n finally, its sat.
finally.

lazed

2007-02-09T07:26:00.000+08:00

gd morning :)

went back to chung cheng ytd. doing research on cch building. bt didnt find anything in e end.
took note of little things during e walk into e sch. erm. kinda missed tt kind of self-regarding-stressed life.
seems like it can only b understood when it becomes past. so mayb ill b considering now as self-regarding-stressed life, when im working. bt, im really damn pissed with my life now. cos as i said, with so many commitments, want to do everything n anything.
n tis is e result.

i received a dismissal letter. n im damn pissed by it now.
i was officially dismissed. by psp. nv state reasons. wat e. though i should b happy tt i hav one less commitment now. bt it is sth i cared n gained.
damn.

tt was one thing. im really pissed.

was watching tokyo juliet. initially was a bit turned off by its socially characterised plot. bt was amazed by e stack n dramatic irony tt was portrayed. so continued to watch, n i find it was not tt bad.
n it kind of inspired me a bit. by their dressings. seen a lot of apparel design stuff. kind of given me e feel of wanting to wear nicer, instead of jus t shirts.
bt anyway, thoughts r oso always easier than deed. so we shall c. haha.

a bit lazed after e submission of media writing.
2 more assignments, n ure done with tis semester! n then u can really plan n do sth in tis 2 mths! 2 whole mth!
i noe. bt i jus don feel e mood to do e assignments. cos culture assignment again, n creative writing.

time for planner. then will start.

though e gloom is still circling ard me. bt today is fri. n finally, its sat!
finally.
hav a nice day :)

silent.

2007-02-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

am i really being too tired then i say things tt i shouldnt hav, or r they jus wat ive being wanting to say. seems like e execution of langauge is far more powerful than anything. realising it after a long time, is it unforgivable. now then realised how unthoughtful n childish i ve been.

ya. seemed forever pissed off.
n don seem to care for anything.

silence is golden? ya seems like.
then ive got nth to say from today onwards.

i need money!

2007-02-04T03:00:00.000+08:00

omg. my dec pay has been used up. after spending 90 plus at orchard tt day.
desperately in need of money now. bt i guess e rh job is gone. hai.
ill need 30 over for malaysia visa. 100 for kl trip in march, 120 for maxin exchange, 100 over for keyboard lessons each mth. as well as for dental n com accessories (usb wire). n if e beijing trip shall b confirmed, then ill need at least 750 in aug. all excluding shopping budgets.
so ill need to keep at least 1200 over now, excluding all e shopping n uncalculable budgets. n e sch fees r to b in again in april, which is 1000 plus. actually i wont b so poor if i hav taken up a proper job after os. i ve got half a yr which i could hav earned 6000 plus. or mayb all these wouldnt b a prob if ive signed up e teaching bursary, which entitles me sch fees n 1000 plus a mth.
however, in order to pursue dreams in e future, it is to b more tough now. hai.

anybody noes how much time do u hav to spend for 2 tuition job? yes ill need to take up 2 kids, so tt i can really fulfil my dreams. cos with lesser n lesser commitments in ark i don think ill survive.
its really contradicting sometimes, when i wan to hav so many commitments, yet wan to work for more money, not wanting to sign up for e bursary, for some unknown future dream, need to maintain gd results at e same time wan to hav more sleeps. wan to learn keyboard n jap, for they r things tt ive longed to learn. bt they all need money n time. with sph, chs, korean nsig, psp (though neglecting for long..),ark etc, where do i get so much time. now hms is adding in.
cos ive started late, so i cant afford to lose anymore time n opportunities.

met joy on e bus ytd while on my way to sch. ya long time no c. she updated me a lot on sec sch frens. quite a lot of ppl drop out or withdraw from jc. then i thought, mayb it is bless tt ive chosen poly, if not ill b kicked out of jc for not being able to pass promo. then it ll b another one yr wasted. n i wont hav done so many interesting things last yr.

moved slightly on fri of whether should i apply for mass comm thru jpsae like wat ive thought last yr. cos i went 9 floor n saw e studios n e theatres used only by fms students. these r e professionalism tt ive longed for. n chs ppl wont b able use tis kind of facilities. bt i noe myself tt i wont survive in tt kind of environment. i belong to e chinese side. ya so b it. so i gav up e idea n moved back to my hms.

during e sem break i shall improve on my chinese, english, japanese, german n keyboard, b4 its too late.

really cant believe my 300 over pay jus gone like tt. argh.

it ll b 2 wks after each time. bt fortunately, now i noe where he is.

should i or should i not..?

2007-01-12T03:18:00.000+08:00

was doing e jap hw.
then i start to consider again, should i continue?
y not, since uve dreamed to learn it, since uve spent e money, n its not cheap. bt it is easy only when u study everywk consistently. like how i used to study english. yet, at such an age ive been too lazy to start a language. y not u giv it up tis sem, spend e other 2 mths at home get more readings n more vocab, instead using e precious time tt could b used for final projects on jap which was accumilated over a sem, n u will not get AD again.
contradicts again, u nv touched jap during e 2 wks holiday. wat makes u think tt ull start again in feb.
think abt wat happened to german in sec 2. ponned too many times tt u couldn catch up? furthermore it was complimentary.
AHHHHHH!~~~~
i dunno la. really dunno. jus like i dunno whether should i sign e teaching bursary.
yes, i decided not to sign, so tt i no need to do wat i would not wan after i graduate.
bt tt means ill need to find a tuition job, starting feb.

so tis is e list of things tt ill need n ll b doing in feb-april. 排名不分先後.

1) continue to work in ark ;)
2) RESUME keyboard lesson
3) find a tuition kid, or mayb 2.
4) spend time in NLB for MORE readings.
5) revise jap, n get ready for e nx sem.
6) hopefully to get e sph xinmin job in march
7) really plan sth for tianying.
8) tianying march huixun! (felt like fainting suddenly..)
9) diary

i dont think im looking for those long time part time job like shop tender anymore. its not worth e time for a few bucks per hr. though ill still consider rh in aug. ark plus tuition plus sph, hoped tt i earns at least 500 per mth!! to cover up wat ill not gain from e teaching bursary, n of cos, wat ive lost for not being able to complete bj102 :'(
so, i guess im giving it up tis sem. yup. which is very sad.

btw. discussed abt e pragrammes for cny on wed. 2nd time im doing tis cny celebration. i think its going to b a quite interesting one tis yr. cos e programmes really seems entertaining to me. so jiayou to us. to produce an interesting cny celebration while rushing thru e final projects.
though i tis term is a bit less stressed than last term. only dragged n postponed workload tt is troubling me. sigh. n compared to last sem, tis sem seems slacker. plus, no exams for tis sem! horray!

its been 2 wks.

its new yr!

2007-01-10T05:51:00.000+08:00

had 7-pat coffee when working at ark jus now. felt so disgusted after e coffee tt i made my self cup of limade. mayb should try tea instead of coffee nx time. btw, stingray rice was not bad. bt not very~ nice oso.

seems like ive stopped blogging since poly. y? ive got a laptop n wireless net in np. n yet.
browsed thru my entries blogged when i was in cch. everyday is sch, commitments r my ccas n sph. aim is to finish as many hw as poss, having fun abt smuggling food into our mouth without teacher knowing. thanks tt theres blog. reminds me of e times n memories i had.
should continue to blog at least a bit everyday. if not tt period of life seemed to b lost somewhere.

has life get more complex since i graduate? i wasnt e same old me. 2006 was really a great change.
1stly, ive changed my 4 yrs plan of getting into a jc, most prefered tjc, to my most detested poly. cos after my 1st 3 mths in jc, ive decided tts not e kind of life ive wanted. though ill start to ponder whether hav i made e rite chioce, everytime i c jc students in uniform.
bt, now i wan to say, im really glad tt ive chosen poly, n chosen chs. for my life is really filled with a lot of meaningful contents. well, i oso started to think wat do i really wanted to b in e future. wat kind of work should i get after i graduate? sph? hoped not, if not im afraid ill b on e blacklist of late gao everytime. anyway, bcos of poly life chosen, ive got many working experiences, with sph xinmin, with pp breadtalk, with rh, n most imptly, with ark, where i met great ppl n buddies, seen many faces of life n wat society is like. it is a strange place which taught me a lot of things n giv me a lot of gains. if im in jc now, i wont get to noe so many wonderful ppl, mayb ill hav a good gang of mates in jc, bt most prob ill b kicked out by now, for not being able to pass promo. haha. hu noes. many impt decisions got to b made. n theres definitely gains n losses.

2nd great change, is sth which is v horrible, tt ive changed my commitment from txy to ark. from txy, which i can even giv up my olvl studying time to commit, to somewhere tt no loyalty is required, e ark. i don deny tt its becos of ..., bt sth more horrible is tt im now e leader of ty. hai. they say, i need to find wat i used to feel when i go sph, b4 i can really do well for my grp.looking at wat ive blogged, i seemed to not getting anything ive wanted, not in any comm. i guess its really rite tt, u only understand when time past. i then noe y i was at such a state when i was in cch. isnt it much better now?

seems like im gd at finding myself bored once in a while. there was once in 06, i think its nov, im totally sick im my life, for doing exactly e same thing everyday, boarding e same bus, same train, everyday, doing e same thing during lesson, doing e same thing after sch, even e same bus same time after work. i was even sick of eating, n even ark. yes i was sick of ark. after working consequently for 4 days a wk for nearly 2 mths. i noe i was a bit selfish cos flora has been working like tt long time ago. bt, i jus felt sick of e place. now it became ok. im not so sick of life after sleeping thruout e 2 wks break. haha. n after e many outings with ark ppl, im back to life again. though i really dunno, how long more im going to stay, if flo n fp really left.

so time flies, its again another yr. had my xmas n new yr countdown with ppl tt i most treasured n wanted to spend time with, at ark, working with my dear colleagues. things really changed. cos last yr i spent my time with txys. bt i thought, last xmas i gav u my heart, yet e nx day u gav it away, so tis xmas, im going to giv it to someone special, as e song sang =)
it was a really different experience countdown at ark. though not many ppl stayed for countdown, it was a fun nite. thanks to e MONsters, n fun ppl like my colleagues. im glad tt ive choose to work at such a warm place. jh came down oso, choose to spent countdown at ark, for which i think, mayb he still couldnt leave ark jus like tt, mayb its bcos of ppl on stage, mayb its jus bcos of its ark, i dunno.
after countdown, die oso must watch de death note 2 nv watch. so we walked to chinatown to hav supper. chased by e irritating guy at e coffe shop, we set home at 3 sth. they went to take cab, i went to catch nr7. its e 1st time i c so many ppl on e street, at such a time of 4am. so, NRs passed by one by one, each one fulled of ppl. they couldnt catch a cab anywhere, ya, so we met again. when its nearly 5, we decided to jus board e 1st bus. n when poor ppl hav to sit on e road n wait, im really thankful n fortunate we could go back to ark, where there were comfortable sofas for us to take a nap 1st. had my 1st icecream of 07 from jh =) thanks a lot. its oso e 1st time im at ark at such an early hr. went home at 6 sth. 1st time i c e 1st bus is full of ppl, sleeping, haha.

1st one to shake my hand, jh.
1st one ive hugged, hm.
1st dang ive listened, MONsters.
1st bus i took, 12.

though its a bit late, bt, goodbye to 2006 =) i think its e 1st time, tt im really thinking of some new yr resolutions, haha. thanks to them.

1) ive quietly promised myself, try my very very best not to b late in any form. not in meetings, not for work, not for assignments, projects, email msgs. im trying.
2) i really hoped, at least not a lonely life b4 e end of my last teenage life. at least not a lonely xmas tis yr.
3) no more unfruitful holidays. hoped to get more readings at nlb. so tt i wont feel so drained when doing narrative projects.
4) i noe ive been quite a irresponsible person. ill try very very hard not to break promises, once ive made them. im really trying.
5) start resuming my keyboard lessons!

quite greedy huh.
made it on time for 1st assignment tis yr, e tea project =) n im even making it early for classed! haha.

its new yr! so jiayou! jiayou studying, working, for tianying, for chs, for korean club, for me, for them!
i wonder wat changes there ll b at e end of tis yr. hoped not a lot.

if u, could c, wat i c, r u e answer to my prayer.
不論多久沒見，你都不會想我嗎..? :)

finally, im 19

2006-08-23T06:17:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me!
omg, e last 1- birthday in my life. orh its so scary, theres no more 1- birthday anymore. i suddenly felt to b drowned in tis immense fear n anxiety. abt wat? im not really sure.
at tis kind of age, i oso start to worry, wat if i don get to get married, no one wants to me, how..

anyway, last half an hr of my 18 yrs old, i was sitting in muchuan eating chips, watching hm pack stuff.
last 15 min of 18 yrs old, i was on bus no. 2, playing e song i surrender by celing dion repeatedly on my mp3 player. at 2347, tears jus rolled down, a lot of memories jus flashed across my mind. i stopped crying at 2350, concentrated looking at my hp screen, thought abt a lot of things in e mean time. i watched e number increase 1 by 1 until it reached 1200. i wispered happy birthday to me, n cried again, jus feeling stirred at e 1st min on my birthday. after a few secs, i started to wish 3 wishes for tis yr, bt, was disrupted by hm call after e 1st one.. hahaha. at e 8th min of my birthday, i tried to feel if e air was diff at 19, so i took a deep breath, bt it felt e same, of cos, cos i was still on bus no.2.. haha.. not funny.

shit, forgot to watch a m18 movie ytd..

heres e list for tis yr,
last one to shake my hand, hm, (jiehao n rongting being one of them)
last person i saw, hm.
last person i hugged, cindy, e regular customer of mood inn.
last dang i heard, mood inn
last song i heard, i surrender by celine dion. (shes really a great singer)
last bus i took, no.2
1st person to wish me, sianchoo, in july.
1st call i received, by hm, to wish me happy bday at 1200.
1st one to sing me a bday song, mood inn. (orh so touching, thanks to jiehao =) )
heartfelt gratitude to hm, for e muffins n cookies baked by her =)
though i was quite sad, i didnt c him today T_T

really touched by tis song, i surrender by celine dion.
When I watch you look at me, I think I could find the will, To stand for every dream. ’cause I’d surrender everything, To feel the chance to live again, I reach to you, I know you can feel it too. I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive, Did you hear my call, I surrender all. (... ..)

today v touched, n i wan to mention tis.
jiehao suddenly said, wan to sing a special song. then he started to crap a lot, bt they r touching craps ;) jiehao said, when ur were sitting down there enjoying e music, there will b somebody behind e bar counter making ur drinks n serve ur, stand until their legs were thick le (i wonder wat does he mean by saying we hav thick legs..), if ur notice, every wk theres yc n hm "choose" to work on tues, dunno if they r jus nice free on tues or wat (everytime e same line..), which one is it then, then started to sing a happy birthday song for me, (omg it was so touching~), bt i dunno whether should i turn back n face them, so i continued washing e plates. then jiehao said, mai geh siao leh, turn back la. haha.. then he said y he noe today is my birthday, cos he accidentally peeped at our work schedule then noe tt today was their waitress de bday. asked me to make a wish, n said it will come true cos so many ppl wished me happy birthday. after tt sang e last part of e song. then hm lighted a candle on e muffin she baked herself. everything was so unforgettable. one regular customer asked me to light a candle for him, then asked me to make a wish n blow it. haha.. e regular customers sitting at e window sides oso v cute. n i really appreciate everyone n everything. really thanks.
i regretted for i didnt really listen carefully to wat jiehao said, as i was considering tt should i hide myself behind e bar counter.. bt anyway, really touched my heart. jiehao is really thoughtful, n i really appreciate it.

went to review my blog abt last yr..
i could still rmb my 18 bday, when i was still in cch. studied with joy e previous nite till 11 sth, then she wished me e 1st happy bday. nx day, e 1st period was pe, with 4 jt, fred wished me happy bday, then jon said tt too :') (orh, so sweet..), e girls sang e song for me after pe, then mr gorden goh oso wished me happy bday. hm gav me a choco cake during recess. then tt afternoon i interviewed jon n e bball players.
then i read thru a lot of things tt happened b4 e prelims. thought abt it for quite long. guilty abt it even till now.

seriously, i feel e emotional change tts taking place as i grow older, n tt e emotional sense has become sharper too. i really hav e deeper realization of e exchange of emotions btw ppl, be it ppl tt i noe or i dunno. i oso hav a greater appreciation of how frens come in n leave in ones life. some of them r really walking away from me. for e far ones, they r walking further, even e ones hu r standing close, has started to pace away.
i noe tt one shouldnt expect too much when u did not giv or devote too much. bt i do feel sad. n i become afraid of meeting up with frens n new ppl, as i forget n worry how can i get along with them. i hate e feeling when several emotions running across everywhere in ur mind while u acting naturally on e surface n joking normally with someone, anyone.
sometimes i ask, if u did not contribute, wat on earth do u hav to pose e expectation on others.

do i only bring sadness n complaints to ppl i noe..?

2006-07-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

was doing tis topic on music therapy for writc.. i felt it tis way tt, i am surviving on his songs, e music provided by him.. its a way of therapeutical method i believe..
life is jus too packed, so many things came in at e same, i wanted to do all, don want to do any too.. wat e.. i dunno wat im saying.. like i dunno how to carry on.. somehow i still feel life is broken up, its incomplete, as in my thoughts.. its e mental n emotional change, which im not sure if im able to step over it.. it seems like an obstacle, seems to b blocking my thoughts n actions from time to time.. should i blame it on e weakness in me, or e virgo characteristics..
angel told me, if im going to continue drowning myself in tis unconstructive thoughts, im not going to gain anythings..
devil told me, how r u going to step ahead, with all these burdens n obstacles, r u sure u r able to step over?
isnt e world devastated..
can i continue to survive in keyboard n his songs, jus for now..

can u stop talking to me, i don mean to b so harsh..
if i only hav 3 mths left, would u lend me jus one wk..?

wah so long nv blogged..

2006-06-06T15:32:00.000+08:00

now in e library..
there is a guy in front of me tutering his classmates abt sth like close economy, wat calculate using g-inverse.. wat e.. omg so complicated.. i think they r from business studies.. haha, suddenly feels tt humanities sch actually not bad at all.. at least i don need to study wat x increase y increase stuff.. i wasnt overhearing on purporse ok.. tt guy is jus talking too loud.. though im writing comments for movies n stuff rite now, bt i lke it.. haha.. jus b contented then u ll b happy.. hai, bt hor, when i come back to my assignments, i still wan to sigh.. haha..

so long nv blogged.. so many things happened during tis term.. hai.. shall blog some of these days, after im done with my 5 other assignments and txy june report tis wk.. haha.. quite imposs leh.. btw, must rmb to count how many assignments hav i done within tis term..

btw, im v happy ytd.. hahahaha.. really happy. =)

happy

2006-04-13T03:13:00.000+08:00

back from ark.. read pines entertaining blog bout ark.. haha.. damn funny..

now few things wan to say abt muchuan singers..
>>jianhua really damn nice person.. says thank u on stage n personally, takes cups down, he oso says xin ku le, which made us v touched.. really appreciated.. though he may not b bt at least we felt happy.. he oso will dedicate e last song to us waitress, v gan dong..
>>ahdu oso nice, cos he n jianhua will sing e songs we dedicated when we were washing up.. n he invented a drink for us, ahdu special peach tea..haha.. quite nice la.. n his lessons v gd..
>>uncle yeo not bad, cos he v zi dong, takes his own water, says thank u n talked to us.. n he improved, takes cups down for us..
>>liang wen v gd, cos he talked to us, takes his cup n says bye.. he will say, zou le, bye bye.. haha.. n he agreed to teach me drums nx time.. haha..
so conclusion, is nan ren bang tt rocks.. hahaha..
ok la, there r other singer v gd la, like meilian ximei n hanyang n others la.. they v gd oso.. gd vocal, n gd personality..
little things in life.. makes ppl feel happy..
ark cafe, where some ppls gd music enlightens ppl.. haha..

gonna miss e few days working with hm.. n e gd musics brought by them.. hopes tt time fast forward to sat.. so tt can settle huixun quickly, n can go k, then hav keyboard lesson.. then is MONster dang again.. haha.. anticipating..

wahahaha!!

2006-04-09T03:20:00.000+08:00

wahahaha!! finally!! i listened to nan ren bang!! woohoo~
haha, k la.. im v happy today..

k 1stly, today happy working in sph.. jus sit there collect money.. seen a lot of money, over 2 thousand (even muchuan not so much money.. haha.. ), v relax.. hahaha.. happily worked n earn money.. haha.. bt today uncle choo called me zijie?!! haha..

then reached muchuan at ard 530.. haha.. today everything went fine.. haha, no panick, no nervous.. everything v professional.. haha.. really eh, i didnt mixed up things till v serious leh.. haha. so pro manx.. hm say cos today singer v gd, n becos its nan ren bang, so we v enjoyed today..
bt really eh, things v different from ytd.. i v polite to customers today.. then got 5 dollar tips altogether.. though i think is they forgot to take, bt mayb is i really v gd service.. wahaha.. ok la, bt i think today i really up to standard today.. gd job to me n hm!! haha..

n today thanks to e 4 singers today.. really v nice singing.. though sometimes i was busy serving e customer n missed out some parts (n i missed kiss gdbye.. :'( ).. bt i still think today their perf is really gd.. esp e last song, tt i was really touched, when jian hua says, tis song is dedicated to our waitress, me hm n alicia.. haha made me feel tt it was e best song of tonite.. well, really touched when i heard him saying..
n after been to muchuan, i really believed music enlightens ppl.. n world peace.. at least my world, for e moment tt they were singing.. thanks to alicia, for bringing muchuan to spore.. n thanks to e singers, hu brought peace to my world.. haha..
n cos of them, i began to love a lot of songs..

honestly, though today was no better than ytd, almost all e glasses used up, recycled a lot of times, n we still stayed till 130, today really happy working.. jus felt tt today v lighthearted.. n i tell u, today they v humorous.. v funny.. i really like their perf.. n if every sat is nan ren bang, i will work every sat.. muahahaha..
bt i asked them, y only sing once a mth, n they say, only if they sing once a mth then ppl will cherish, if not we will b asking, y do they sing so many times a mth.. haha..

ah anyway, v gd mood today.. n tmr is keyboard lessoon.. though start from 1st lesson again, bt i don mind.. hahaha.. k la.. nitez n sweet dreams, haha :)

meaning?

2006-04-03T00:57:00.000+08:00

how come i don find e necessity anymore.. nor do i anticipate.. reasons? reasons reasons reasons..
wat do u do to change when u r bored of ur life n bored of urself?
i jus don feel e strength in everything.. wat r e things tt push me along previously? or hav i been doing sth for e sake of doing.. tt things r done bcos theres a must..
i thought i found sth tt i wanted to do, tt excites me.. bt after thinking deeper, where is it?
i think i need to throw away tis kind of attitude b4 i can enjoy poly life..

new blog..

2006-03-21T04:33:00.000+08:00

one more mth to poly term start..

today is e day, when tis blog has a sister blog.. i got an inspiration while reading a few ppls blog, only chi as a mother tongue language can really express myself.. so tts how it was born..
anyway.. ill try to make tis 2 blogs different.. though its quite difficult, as i ve forgotten how differentiate thoughts after such a long holiday i guess.. haha..
ill continue to post here as english has become part of me tt i cant part with it.. hehe..

anyway, refering to e previous post.. wat i shed tears for, they r really things i cared, though meanwhile i was amazed by e amt of things im occupied with..

tis entry aint sth meaningful.. bt jus felt tt not writing anything down, certain periods of my life seems to b lost somewhere..

2006-03-18T01:58:00.001+08:00

i did not cry like a child, as e reasons r no longer as innocent n simple as a childs cry..
i cried, with reasons..

2006-03-15T02:29:00.000+08:00

again today.. going on everyday, yes im tired.. im sick of it..
yes, i noe its been too long.. i noe how u felt.. i noe im being selfish.. bt trust me tis is not going to help.. its futile..
i really dunno how to solve tis.. r we really born to take on challenges like TIS?! jus to TEST UR ABILITY?! if tts e case can u stop testing me, i really hav no ability for u test..
im not blaming u of tis, i noe e reasons, really.. bt i jus cant.. i really dunno how to take tis.. cant u jus let go.. i cant, n i dunno how..
can i jus stop e time here, at tis moment.. i jus cant imagine wat will happen after tt.. i jus don think tt i can take wats going to happen.. i dont want..

tpjc

2006-03-03T08:13:00.001+08:00

tis shall b e last time im using tis com.. meaningless life here ending today.. i regret? miss? blame on them? hu? i dunno..
while on my way here today, saw a lot of bvss ppl, n i suddenly felt tt being in uniform n goes to a sch can b quite blessed sometimes.. i dunno wat it means, bt i jus felt tt way..
im sad tt its e last time im wearing cch uniform..

2006-02-14T09:34:00.000+08:00

happy valentines day..

been living wat i define as meaningful life since last thurs.. went homeoysters hse on thurs, to spend our time worrying n anticipating os results together.. reached his hse at abt 6.. quite cosy, only thing is tt theres lacking A LOT of things.. took a look at his hse n rested for awhile, we set off to ntuc to buy food to cook.. basically ingredients for steamboat.. haha, yes, we finally had a steambaot, n its during cny period, gd.. took everything tt we wanted without calculating n e total bill came out to b 80 dollars!! were so shocked at e amt.. omg wat did we buy..
anyway, reached jh hse ard 9.. then started to prepare food.. took a lot of photos during e process.. btw, i wan to mention e clams ar, dunno whether is it called tis way, were to soak in water in order for it to vomit sand.. its pretty interesting when we played with tt.. though eventually we didnt get to eat them reason being we did not put them in e fridge n caused it to spoil.. n e smell really sucks..
honestly speaking, i dunno if they hav e same feeling as i do.. i felt like im doing tis with my family.. e feeling is cosy n sweet, jus like a few gd frens hav to depend on each other in a foreign country sth like tt.. its like we hav someone to depend on when we need them la.. e feeling tt really worth treasuring..
then abt 10 sth e dinner commences.. we sat ard e small table in front of e tv n start to cook using e steamboat.. many funny things clicked along.. then ahdu came back at later time n joined us for dinner.. we ate intermittently till 1 sth until we were really full.. then decided to take a walk downstairs b4 we fall asleep.. took e honey dew ice cream with us, n tt tasted v gd.. few interesting incidents happened on our trip to e parks.. made e nite really memorable.. think our footsteps was left ard large areas in tt neighbourhood..
abt 3 sth or 4 in e morning we went upstairs.. only jh continued to eat e leftover steamboat.. after he finished, we kept e rest into e fridge then started to talk.. nth v constructive bah i rmb.. bt is jus enjoyable halaing session, though they mainly consist of us panicking bout our results, bt when i think of tt now, our panicking seems funny somehow.. anyway, felt really scared n worried tt nite.. think is bcos chengshake mentioned bout xh bah.. then we suddenly become really scared.. we were jus lying ard at e sofa while i rmb jh n cy were sqeezing onto one small sofa.. haha..
anyway till abt its daylight we decided to take a quick nap.. quick, bcos none of us could really fall into deep sleep.. all really worried.. slept for abt 2 hrs plus, then woke up at 9 sth.. while we were still lying lazily ard, chengshake was e only one hu didnt really sleep bah i guess.. he was reading some comic or books to keep himself away from e thought of having to noe e results..
after tt, took turns to bathe n changed into sch u.. 1st time bathing in such weired place..
took one more family photo b4 we left.. initially wanted a photo of us in sch uniforms, bt jh didnt hav his.. hai..
then we set out to our schs.. jh went to meet his fren n we set on diff paths.. so we separated in front of queensway shopping centre..
3 of us took e same bus.. didnt talk much on bus.. i took a quick nap i think.. then was e long way walk into sch again.. bt sadly to say, its e last time we r going to sch in our sch u.. its really e last time.. fortunately ive got hm with me.. i cant imagine how cy n jh go to sch.. alone..
then was e usual principal talk for e last time.. then my mind thought of mr yue.. rmb him talking to sec 4 graduates when i was sec 4.. again, i still couldnt quite sure tt i really graduated.. as im not sure how to part with e sch..
anyway same old day as previous yrs.. nth changes, even when im 18 tis yr..

hai~

2006-02-13T04:16:00.000+08:00

many things happened these 2 days.. felt many kinds feelings, n its complicated.. though after ytd, washing my pillow with tears, i felt much better, really..
few things i v sad abt.. one of cos is disappointment of os results.. jus disappointed i guess.. n i thought u promised... yet im left alone.. i noe e reasons, of cos.. yet i jus cant.. cy was rite.. tts exactly how i felt..
i feel im no longer myself.. its not me now.. hes controlling everything out of me.. influencing me with anything n everything.. i really didnt want to.. was everything to b a mistake from e start? if i would hav known tis, trust me, i wouldnt do wat i hav done..
only thing tt i don understand is tt, y is everybody still saying tis.. isnt it obvious enough now? so hu is wat now? i don really get tis.. hasnt tis b obvious enough?
of cos i noe wat i should do, bt if its been so easy, i wouldnt be here till such a state, such an extent.. tts how it was..

2006-02-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

if tts ur aim, u hav achieved..
thanks for telling me..

......

2006-02-01T09:29:00.000+08:00

ponned lecture again.. tis one not on purpose de.. anyway, thought for v long b4 i came tpj today.. thought for whether should i come today not.. i came.. now i wan to say, i shouldnt hav wasted e time to come.. same old thing happening here everyday.. nth changes.. absolutely.. really missed os times.. though piles n piles of things r needed to b done, at least i led human life.. now i am a body walking without life..
talked to cy whole nite ytd.. bet he must b falling asleep at work.. sorry ar cy.. talked abt a lot of things, perpectives, ppl n some nonsensical things.. had a v gd idea while we chat.. 3 of them should jus crash my sch so tt we can hav a try of how is it like for e 4 of us to b in e same sch..
feel like ponning ... today.. yet i saw a lot of seniors.. i really mean a lot.. such early in e morning, i hav seen e chair, vice chair, secretary, my grp leader n other grp leader, abt 6 to 7 ppl.. n they all noe me, i dunno y.. n amazingly all said hi to me.. anyway still ponning.. feel like going home now, however sch quite clever la, put gp last period, when gp tutor will confirm my attendance today..

actually theres sth else i wan to say, bout my feelings, my thoughts.. however, im becoming more n more stupid as emotions n everything by him is seriously obstructing my thinking.. i dunno how to relieve tis.. anyway, sometimes by escaping e reality can relieve myself.. though e problem will not b solved, it cant b solved even if i face it.. i don seem to find e solution no matter how hard i think.. of cos i noe wat i should do.. yet it does not solve e problem.. as if it can b solved so easily, it wont b called a problem, isnt it?
anyway, last 5 days to release of results, well, if it is confirmed.. i dunno wat ill do when i get e result slip.. seen too many kinds of reactions last yr, i dunno wat will mine b..
reasons i doubted when coming to sch.. everything i do here will b useless n meaningless if im going poly.. y waste time now.. i dunno wat i wan to say, i was jus typing watever i thought of.. cos theres really heavy jam in my flow of thought.. time to sleep.. 1 n half hr to my next tutorial.. i shall c if i felt like going..

dreams..

2006-01-29T20:41:00.001+08:00

happy new yr~

today dream of ... .. haha.. till some nice parts to got awaken by my dad.. orh.. some dreams tt i felt so real.. yet everytime is like tt bah.. totally opposite from e reality.. bt i nv thought of ... for a v long time oready.. really.. bt still pops up in my dream..
anyway dreams reminds me of e government official came to our sch last thurs.. hes one impressive speaker tt gav me deep impression.. he said, if u dream big, i cant promise u tt dream will definitely b reached, bt if u don dream, i can tell u tt ull nv reach ur dream.. quite simple la.. bt i felt e meaning in it..
sth different from todays dream is tt i nv thought of it oready then it pops up..

anyway, enough of tt.. jus been slacking those days.. continue to sleep in e library whenever theres free period.. haha.. jus found tt library is a nice place to sleep.. strangely no one will wake u up.. im not e only one, evertime ill c ppl sleeping ard in e sch k.. anyway, rite choice i made for taking cl literature.. cos its a must to take chi for 1st 3 mths in tp.. then by taking chi as a h2 i no need to take chi h1.. so i hav quite a no of free periods by doing so..
sometimes i kept thinking it b futile n meaningless to attend sch.. for if im going to study poly.. a few from my class withdrawn oready, making my class even smaller.. n sth i quite sad abt is tt im e only one left in girls bball.. then itll b meaningless for me to go since theres no training due to serious lacking in ppl.. one of my dream to join bball become impssible again.. quite sad la.. 700 over ppl in a cohort cant form a bball team.. tts e difference between guys n girls bah.. guys can b more passionate bout sth which they like.. i dunno la.. theres far too many guys came for bball trial tt they conducted sth like an audition..
n i hav been considering whether should i hav taken history as h2.. though im really quite interested bout e syllabus, bt honestly, i still don understand anything from beginning till now.. n tutorials started, tutor requires 2 page tutorial outline for every tutorial.. its an essay which consists of arguments of at least 6 or 7 pts.. headache ar.. i not so worried bout gp, not more than how i worried bout history.. hai~
dreams n reality really takes on different route, isnt it?

one day holiday..

2006-01-23T14:51:00.000+08:00

ponned today.. slept till 12 then wake up..
after ytd talk with my mum, i realised tt she has been wanting me to study in poly.. though she kept saying tt i can choose myself bt actually is not e case.. doesnt wan me to study jc at all.. bt anyway, cant blame her, e reality is hard on everyone.. even then i hav not been keeping on to my standards.. since sec 1 i haven been studying.. if i could b put into a gd jc like hc or tj using my own ability of cos i can continue my dream la.. however i failed to.. i was saying tt ill depend on my olevel results to decide where to go.. bt now, i guess even if i can get into tj, ill still consider whether should i waste money in jc or b realistic n go poly instead.. anyway, cant blame others, its ur fault wat.. not being able to convince them tt u r capable of doing it.. i might jus end up in nap chinese studies even if i get 8.. dreams n reality r always take 2 diff routes, sometimes its jus difficult to hav both of them on e same lane..
having tis kind of mentality, i doubted e necessity of me going to tpj now.. lectures n tutorials would b useless now if im going to nap.. bt i dunno la.. ill still go tmr.. jus doubted.. jus reluctant..
was looking at photos jus now.. e one i posted on friendster regarding xinma camp 2nd day one caught my attention.. it was taken while we r trying v hard not to let dj throw e money we earned during e funfair as money rain.. thanks for syd for helping us to shoot such lively photos for us.. it really reminds me of e camp n remind e happiness tt we enjoyed.. thinking abt how hard my grp n i had played making me laugh.. haha, we played till we re crazy.. hoped tt i hav not been a bad leader to my grp.. hoped tt they had fun like i do.. n hope tt we meet up soon.. i miss u guys..
watching geisha tonite.. 1st movie going to b watched by us.. TheOlevelGang.. haha..

finally olevelgang reunited..

2006-01-21T19:23:00.001+08:00

ytd had dinner with hm cy n jh.. finally we had reunion dinner.. haha.. anyway, ate at kfc at tiong bahru, we ordered one bucket of chicken de meal, forgot wats e meals name, is e big bucket meal la.. took v funny pics outside kfc, haha.. wanted to go home after tt de..bt in e end decided to go sph.. i rmb it was 9 pm when we start our journey.. in e end guess wat time did we reach sph? 11.30!! we took 2 1/2 hrs to reach sph.. ok la long story, im with 3 working class ppl, so we took buses.. bt kept taking e wrong direction.. bt honestly speaking, we had v fun time on buses.. so we ended up sitting in sph for only 10 min then went home le.. it may sound wasting time, bt, i don feel tt is wasting time cos im with ppl tts worth my time n i feel happy being with them.. anyway, fun time with ur guys.. though me n hm was scolded by mums..
b4 tt, we went hypes.. haha.. fun time chatting with dear senior..

today went to sph in e morning for zigengdi meeting.. then went to nyp open house in e afternoon with e olevelgang.. had fun time in e nyp canteen.. took v funny photos of cheng shake n home oyster.. haha.. had fun times whenever with them.. n its v occassionally tt we 4 actually go out together.. must treasure e time we had together.. new wish here, if im not being able to get at least 15 to get into a gd jc, i hope we 4 can study in nap, we 3 go chinese studies then home oyster go study design.. though tp will b better to study design, bt i hope tt we 4 can like eat together n spend our free periods together.. haha.. its gd to hav frens tt click to hang out with.. thanks for letting me to get into txy.. got many frens other then e 3 of them..
speaking of txy, i quite of miss e days in xinma camp.. haha.. cos i got to overnite with ppl tt r really my frens.. though hm not with me.. haha, bt hf with me.. pity tt didnt sleep with hm.. hai.. nvm, gain sth means ull lose sth.. haha.. theres always an opportunity cost.. learnt from econs.. haha..
really fun time with olevelgang.. hope we get to meet up soon.. yes geisha!! we shall meet v soon..

i ve been feeling strange lately eh.. like ill b waiting for him to talk to me.. hai.. jus, i dunno la.. i think being stupid wil hav tis complicated feeling bah.. u oso dunno how to describe.. like, hai, y am i like tis..

take care~

2006-01-20T11:49:00.000+08:00

left with 5 min of com usage.. tpjc library has been my slacking place for every free period.. i seem to hav no where to go, no one to hang out with.. though i feel tt i don really need, n seriously i feel rather happy to stay alone in e library so tt i can finish up my own stuff.. there need to hav time for urself to think n recharge rite.. i don believe in excelling efficiently in grps.. well, jus c wat we did during our olevel time in sph.. bt sometimes, i feel suffocated.. v pressurised, not by academics, bt sth else..
alrite time almost up.. shall blog at nite when i reach home..

stupid..

2006-01-17T09:22:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to br..

slacking again in e library.. from 9 till 1250 no lesson again.. felt so so sleepy during e econs lecture.. arms n legs aching after ytd bball cca..
while walking into sch tis morning i thought of reasons of my reluctance to come sch.. during e days in cch, there r things for me to look forward to in class, ppl tt i wanted to c, n most imptly im v familiar n lked e place a lot.. i dunno is it bcos of my preference for other sch made not being able to make frens with ppl.. its my fault.. bt i shall stay like tis.. as i dunno how to make a change.. anyway, not necessary oso..
ytd on e way back home, discussed with cy y ppl in love r stupid n blind.. take note here, is ppl, means both e male n e female.. conclusion, when in love, ur brain, mind, heart, thoughts, feelings, actions r all occupied by him or her.. if he becomes stupid one day, then tt will be day i shall wake up.. cos e impossibility is jus too high.. am i stupid..? i guess i am..
oh btw, talking bout wasting time, being with him is not wasting time, halaing with sph frens is a yes, bt i don consider it as one, cos its enjoyable.. being alone in e library, either blogging sleeping writting rubbish is a yes, bt compared to slacking ard in e sch alone is not, cos its more torturing n meaningless crapping with ppl u don click..
arghh.. abit bored by e topic..
anyway, almost times up for com usage in library.. feel like going home now..

slacking extremely..

2006-01-13T11:00:00.000+08:00

time is 11 in e morning.. here blogging not bcos i ponned again today.. my history lecture ended 0820, nx lecture is 1210, omg.. i jus slacked for 3 hrs.. reflashing memories, missing e days e 4 of us had at e back of e class.. missing e talkative n act enthu hm, e cooling aircon n cow henry, e 4-yr-old n 'entertaining' mr handsome.. nv thought how life would b without them.. now i noe wat life is like..
so tts jc life.. having longer break times than lecture period.. like 4 hrs of break compared to 40 min lectures.. soon im used to wat ive been doing in sec 2s.. being alone.. r e break times for bonding with ppl of ur og n cg? like wat ive seen along e corridors, ppl playing cards, sitting ard play stupid games, chatting.. well, i would like to b alone rather than being with ppl who don understand me n neither do i understand them.. alrite i understand bt disagree.. not tt im antisocial, jus tt no clicking is occouring.. i would rather sit in e library, enjoy e aircon, do some reading n writing, even blogging.. mayb reading n writing will help me to raise study momentum for any exams in e future, rather than slacking ard with ppl whom i don click with, n waste my time.. well, i like to slack ard with frens, like wat we did after xinma camp, like wat we did in sec 3.. bt not with ppl here where slacking is really meaningless n boring.. i don thnk slacking with gd frens is a waste if time.. in fact it will b memories tt can be revised over time.. after looking at tpjcians, i think tt i hav enough frens at txy.. tts how sad it is.. hus in e wrong..? me? mayb, bt i don care..
btw, today is back friday.. hope nth like losing wallet will happen to me again..
haven mentioned my orientation.. mayb will record it in another entry.. still, there 50 min to my nx lecture.. arghhh..
start to think wat is wasting time, n wat is not.. talk bout tt in nx entry..

forgotten..

2006-01-02T06:29:00.000+08:00

forgot to mention e xmas party by ruiying at coasta sand..
organised by cy n hm n partly me.. though we not real organisors.. i enjoyed tt nite, when we had fun with stupid games.. knew a lot secrets too.. n thanks jm for e delicious cake.. then climbed e gate out of chalet to mac.. think we took a few hrs for e whole journey.. went to e beach.. long time didnt go to e beach, i felt excited.. it was really fun tt i smiles when i think of e dayn looked at our photos.. is tt call i hav treasured e moment.. anyway, i enjoyed his accompany.. understood lots of things tt day too, on e beach..

then theres still xmas countdown at dj hse.. dunno wats e purpose of countdown for xmas, bt i guess we re jus high.. anyway, its still an unforgettable experience.. is it bcos of wat happened tt day tt i ... ..

well stayed out since after co camp.. only stayed at home for 2 days.. many homes for teenagers opened for business.. such as e 1st branch, tampines branch, branch ic yn.. 2nd n most popular branch, clementi branch, branch ic dj.. 3rd branch, bedok / tanah merah branch, branch ic, me.. haha.. 4th branch, boon keng branch, branch ic, hm n hf.. a few others opening soon.. living v excitingly since after xinma camp..

think is cos met a lot of times until dependence occured, until he became part of my life, part of my thoughts, then feelings changed.. n will change back after a while.. bt, tts not wat i think..its a fact tt cant b wiped.. bt e fact is based on his horoscope-influenced character, how depressing..

blogged whole nite

2006-01-02T06:00:00.000+08:00

2nd day of 2006.. nothing different as 2005.. everything goes on as it is..

1st breakfast of 2006, mac hot cake with sausage..
1st lunch in 2006, didnt hav any..
1st dinner in 2006, steamboat!! with hm n cy..
1st drink in 2006, greentea bought at giant..
1st one i hugged, xy..
1st one to shake hand with me, dj..
1st one stood beside me, hm..
1st breakfast eaten with, hm dj cy sp br xd al zc n my bro..
1st miss call, my sis..
1st incoming call, sips..
1st msg received from, zy..

ytd was at dj hse, then went to eat breakfast at mac.. supposed to go wild wild wet with hm bt slept e whole afternoon at home.. nite was e new experience of having steamboat iwth frens at my hse.. went to ntuc n shop then prepare, dinner started at 2350 like tt.. bought a cake too, bt its still in e freezer.. anyway, it was really fun n exciting la, n e food was fantastic.. i can only say for those hu cant make it, its a loss la.. it will b part of precious memories of mine..

though tmr will b sch opening, i don hav e feeling of going to sch again.. mayb is e change of environment, change of e routine in life changed me.. i think soon ill c e negative effect after a major exam like olevel.. slacking in an invincible way.. then will b slaking thruout after slacking for so long.. e momentum for studying has dropped..
my plan is to play as hard as possible for 1st 3 mth in tpj.. wanting to appeal doesnt mean tt i don like e sch, jus tt i cant accept e fact tt i was from some high sch, then went to tp.. mayb i don hav e rite to say tt, bt im sorry..

too many entries in one nite? i cant help it..
hm n cy at my hse supposed to b chatting with me, yet both snoring soundly.. wat can i do? haha, talk to myself in blog..

hav doesnt mean own, own doesnt mean hav

2006-01-02T03:58:00.000+08:00

how r frens being defined..? tis fren means significant to u does not mean tt u ll b sinificant to tis fren.. is it too greedy wanting to hav a place in ppl hu u consider ur frens heart.. if ure not useful in helping ppl to stepping to a higher level in either reputation or position u ll not b considered a fren.. i dunno, if tis thinking exist in everyone.. ? i used to b confident in ppl i noe tt e ans is a definite no, bt now, hu noes.. ya mayb yes, mayb not.. so wat if e ans is known.. nothing is going to change so i shall not care..

i agree with nm.. hav doesnt mean own, own doesnt mean hav.. y don place it in memories, think abt it n miss it everyday it will then b meaningful.. be it frens, objects, memories.. jus like i couldnt possibly stay in cch forever, bt e mean time i was there i live n learn to e fullest, cch will b in my heart n its my sch forever.. jus like though its impossible btw us, i enjoy every min with him, rmb e words said by him, continue to feel n enjoy e feeling of liking him, continue to miss him everyday, continue to anticipate our nx meet up after goodbye.. then he ll b meaningful to me, he will live in my heart, tt will b gd enough isnt it..? one day i might stop liking him, whom i shouldnt hav liked in e 1st place, bt he once lived here in my heart..
thanks to nm, one sentence helps me to understand n know how to live on..
well if only tts e feeling of liking someone, i think hes e 2nd or 3rd one i liked b4..

i think every blog entry is precious to me as every entry symbolises my gaining of understanding in sth.. understanding of meanings in life, of ppl, of how to live..

happy new yr!!

2006-01-01T02:42:00.001+08:00

1st post of e yr 2006.. wish ppl hu wish to hear from me happy new yr~
here i am blogging at dj hse.. 1st blog entry written tis yr was blogged using other ppl com..
jus went countdown with txy.. at e esplanade, its so so so crowded.. anyway it was e 1st time i went countdown outside.. if i were at home i would sleep till e next yr.. today is e 1st time i c so many ppl at suntec, on e street n at esplanade.. i thought e stairs in front of marina square was v big, bt its still fully sitted by ppl.. more ppl than cars, having to queue n wait to get down escalaters n enter e mrt station.. new experience..
though its v crowded bt i feel tt its still a wonderful experience la, depending on hu u were with.. being with e rite ppl u ll feel rite.. looking at e fire works oso giv me some thoughts.. if u enjoy fireworks only depends on whether u r able to grasp e pt one sec of beauty it is showing la.. same in everyday life, whether or not u enjoy ur life, depends on whether u r able to observe n realise little little things happening ard u.. use ur heart to breathe, u ll c things differently as it should b seen, n c e happiness n beauty in everything.. yuchih theory.. haha.. same as my prelim sompre says la, live in e spot of ur life, observe n u ll realise..

some may think being able to b with e person u like is like in heaven.. mayb some kind of feeling like tt.. bt not really e case everytime bah.. may start to hate self for being petty.. being insane n feel unhappy bout trivial matter.. wat for.. i mean, its v sad tt e one u like thinks differently la.. like he doesnt noe wat ure thinking or, like my case la.. hai oso dunno wat im thinking n talking.. bt anway found out one thing true la.. girls r stupid when they r in love.. i dunno y bt brain jus cannot function properly la.. mayb too much emotions n thoughts become obstacles in thinking n influenced accuracy of ones thinking bah.. is tis e reason y guys r always b more intelligent than girls hu r intelligent if they r..? if u get it ull noe wat i mean..
well i feel tt being together with e person u ll find out more things u don wan to noe, seeing more things u don wan to c.. not as in e person itself bt e surrounding situations n persons.. finding out more things abt e past, e untruthful feeling making me feel sad la.. e worse, is tt he didnt even realise it..
n i found out theres guys of one horroscope i would not wan to meet.. esp ones character so much influenced by e horroscope, jus like him.. its jus sad tt i got it wrong la..
1st day of e yr im experiencing feelings like tis.. its not my fault, nor his fault.. no one is to b blamed..

i think i spend a lot of time blogging.. some may think it wastes time, which can b used to do sth more meaningful.. while i feel tt blogging is a time for u to think n reflect.. not thinking n reflecting abt ur life its like robots life, walking in a dead body like tt.. anyway, thinking enlightens meanings in life..

no use regretting la..

2005-12-29T08:59:00.000+08:00

i hate human beings, sometimes.. including myself.. only starts to treasure when u lose it.. y cant u live life to its fullest..
like thinking of going to b late when having breakfast, things like tt, end up did not enjoy breakfast.. little things like tis doesnt matter bt larger things like dunno how to treasure e time when u with someone, is quite impt le rite.. only when u lose it then think of how gd ur were in memories.. wat for..?!
same thing applies to me.. reasons y i hate myself too..

i dunno..

2005-12-28T03:06:00.000+08:00

finished reading, finally..
there r more things i noe.. yet feeling more lost..
theres nothing.. mayb there was no place for me..
bt y do i hav to care?
y do u hav to..?
i don wan to noe..

second time..

2005-12-28T01:48:00.000+08:00

its e 2nd time i m crying for u.. feel honoured..? ha..
crying for? e story? tt day? for u? for me? or for e impossibility btw us..?

reading more n more jus stumble myself into a pool of sorrow.. i had enough.. bt i wan to learn how to sweep away sorrow..

omg, wat ive been doing..

2005-12-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

was at east coast park last thurs, 22nd i guess.. was on e beach, picked up a small pebble tt i liked on 1st sight.. was holding it in my rite hand.. however, it was lost into e moving wave of sea water again in my attempt to pick up another one.. well, i regretted for e attempt, for i failed to get another one n yet i lost e previous one.. its like, i got nothing in e end.. i think tts e result of being greedy, n not noeing how to treasure wat u hav in ur hand.. it may b seemed as a trivial matter, bt when it is applied to e real world, i can tell u e feeling sucks.. hai..
here i am, dunno wat i ve been doing from march till now.. known him since march, though friendship not really tt deep.. took it for granted, then noes how foolish i am.. bt when i c it in another angle, u sure we re tt close..? if it is b4, there is a definite answer.. however, now im unsure it myself.. there r too much tt i did not noe or understood.. ive been feeling happy n fulfilled, bt r e feelings fake or jus out of imaginations..?
anyway, i dunno when it started, mayb on e 3rd day..? im not sure it myself.. if all tt didnt happen, will anything change?
N BTW WAT KIND OF REACTION IS TT?! NOTHING CHANGED B4 ANYONE SAID ANYTHING, YET EVERYTHING CHANGED AFTER TT.. WAT UVE BEEN UP TOO?! WAT HAV U BEEN DOING?! LIVE ON N ENJOYING URSELF IN SUCH A SELFISH WAY.. U DON FIT TO B HUMAN BEINGS..
hav i hurt someone in an in deliberate way? i dunno..
wat u get is wat u put in urself..
i finally realised tt there is one kind of ppl on e world tt everyone would like to get close to u without u putting much effort.. alrite mayb u did, bt e result is beyond.. i think tt must b ones personal x factors bah.. being easily accepted n welcomed by everyone..
is it true tt diff past encountered caused diff preference in ppl? no common interest or shared memories meant no friendship..? bt, i understood y he liked e song, finally..
well, wat r u still asking for? i don get u.. doesnt e present situation satisfy u.. jus go change e damn bloody attitude of urself manx..

i rmb everything tt i rmb, things by u.. sometimes i realise how irritating memory is..

miscellaneously..

2005-12-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

after wat has happened today, i realised y not let e situation remain e same.. y wan to change anything bout it.. its futile.. y wait for humiliation to occour then realise.. c, now u cant get urself off stage n yet everyone is hurt.. well i said i hav a mind of my own, u shouldn b too greedy to try to change it.. n since we lost contact for so long, u think its going to help anything by caring for now.. its useless..
well, yet after i calm down n think, ive been v hostile.. anyway, nth helped n situation got worse.. more things r lined up to get cleared.. well, served u rite.. hu ask u to get urself into e mist.. stupid..

anyway.. quite a mess life ive led after os.. though there were really many things need to b done, such as diary, blog, packing up e books, newspapers, house chores, clearing up e room, read up etc.. yet most things i did was watching idol series.. r u sure u re going to make it to e alevel if u continue to rot like tis.. come on stop dreaming n y not go opt for a poly instead.. useless rubbish..

think im going to reconsider wat cca im going to get in after ytd.. such a shame.. enough of face thrown at co.. its time to go for another cca.. mayb sports..

well, there were oso enjoyable times led after os..

18th, rite after chem paper, went to tian tian huo guo xiao chu with part of 4 gr.. ate v long.. bt i think e time spent is memorable, though a bit ex..
19th, went shopping with nm n hl at bugis.. 1st time we 3 went shopping together since sec 1.. n i feel tt e neoprint taken was really not bad.. ha..
20th was family outing, went kbox n discovered tt jones songs hav been updated.. only left hai mei fong not there yet.. anyway, think his perf for beautiful world is superb.. i miss his live perf manx..
21st was shopping with joy for e 1st time.. went marina square..
23rd was finally e kbox session with hm, cy, n jh.. though there were ... ppl, bt it was still a fun day.. esp scared cy v nuch when we screamed for we c jones in beautiful world mv.. haha paiseh ar.. finally sang jones songs with hm.. we miss his live perf.. bt didnt manage to take neoprints..
25th was 6e outing at pasirris park.. then went ly hse.. watched 2 movies.. then played stupid games like e murderer, n millionaire.. haha, long time nv play oready, played for 4 hr plus bah.. thanks ly for providing her hse..
28th was e sec 4 graduation prom nite.. nth to talk abt.. its jus like a dinner n photograph taking session with half e cohort.. n he still handsome like hell.. haha..
29th was a v v memorable day.. we e olevel gang had dinner at sph.. wonderful moment we spent.. olevel jus ended like tt.. bt ive gained a lot frenship in tis period.. thanks for hm, cy, n jh for accompanying me thru os.. thanks lots..

tts then i cant rmb wat i did.. most of e time was at home watching idol series.. finished 2 series n a lot more on e list.. btw, he jun xiang roxs manx!! haha.. e way he smiles makes me feel like smiling too.. i like his expression a lot.. n yang cheng lin is gorgeous!! e mo zai shen bian roxs..

anyway, though os jus ended 3 wks ago, i felt as if it has ended mths ago, i dunno y bt i jus felt tt way.. 3 more mths to get e results.. i jus cant wait le.. for wat i rmb, i dunno wat grades im going to get.. hopefully not too bad.. sometimes i think i did ok, sometimes i think im going to flunk a lot of subs.. esp at time like now, v late at nites, i could not sleep n will start to think everything, anything..

like i doubted e feeling of liking someone.. how do u define if u like somebody.. it may not b wat u think as like, bt only dependent on one or jus looks tt u admire.. which is not like, rite..? n wat could b worse than when u could not find anyone to miss n to think of, well to tt extent..

alrite, time to stop brooding too much, n do sth meaningful..

last thing.. to lose in order to grow up, wat do u think..?

last chem prac..

2005-10-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

don like e feeling of being a sec 4.. had got used to ur everyday life as a cchms student, now become an alumni, hai.. kept saying wan to bring tis n tt to class, then found out tt i no longer need to go sch to study, n 4 grace'05 is in history..
tue was e last chem prac i think i would hav in my whole life.. it was e olevel chem paper 3, felt a bit disappointed.. cos suddenly started to concentrate on revision at 11.30 at nite, i guess it was tt i was panicking on e eve of an olevel paper bah.. bt its only b4 olevel, it didnt happen b4 prelims, so sad.. if i had panicked b4 prelims i would b able to go tj oready..
felt disappointed bcos e prac was v easy, n i studied a lot about wat gas will produce when wat is added, n abt wat is e colour change when wat coloured cation n anion is added.. nothing tt difficult came out, only v basic things.. aiyo not trying to b bhb, bt jus a bit disappointed only la.. a bit only.. its e v last one, cos i don think i wan to take chem in alevel..
anyway, jiayou for those taking physics prac today, btw i didnt regret for dropping physics, cos if not im going to get a f9 for os..

last official day in cchms..

2005-10-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

today is e last official day in cchms..
hai.. had nv thought tt tis day could come so fast.. today is e last flag raising in cchms, last time singing sch song in cchms for flag raising, then a lot sec 4s sing esp loud today, including me.. last recess, gr girls crowded ard one table n took grp photo, it was a memorable one, cos even hm came down to eat.. e whole 2 periods after recess we had 2 hrs of photo taking sessions.. everyone was crazily taking photos, can u imagine taking photos for e entire 2 hrs? though in e mean time we signed autograph oso la.. bt everyone seems to hav no other chances to take again like tt.. anyway, had our last lesson in LT1.. our last official lesson in cchms had ended.. im going to miss my seat in class, my neighbours, everyone tt has stepped into my life.. oww, i feel like crying..
today oso went nyj then went tj.. don really liked nyj tt much.. bt loved tj even more..
tmr will b e graduation, e day which i had not want it to come.. ohh..

2 days to graduation..

2005-10-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

happy belated birthday to bh..
happy belated birthday to cy..

now i realised how precious memory is, for things may vanish, may b lost, may b snatched away, bt not memory..
my x66 has e part of e memory when we had our dinner almost everyday at e day n nite.. it was really a meaningful n fun experience for sec 3.. my 2 yrs of birthday blessings were gone, without me having to re read them, my gd nite msgs, everything, tt ive wanted to keep.. now its all gone.. left with memory..
2 days to graduation.. mon was 8 ppl absent, tues was 17, today is 21, c if tmr will b 25 ppl absent.. its v sad when there is only few days to study in cch in 4 gr n yet seeing lesser n lesser ppl coming to sch everyday.. anyway, tmr will b last slacking lesson.. n im going to wear pe shirt tmr, which e last day i will b wearing pe shirt officially in sch..
y im taking note of those trivial matters.. i guess i jus love cch too much bah.. cos there was a lot of unusual experiences n memories.. i think im going to miss every thing tt happened in these 4 yrs..

5 days to graduation

2005-10-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

happy belated birthday to hm..
happy belated birthday to van..
happy birthday to joy..

hai.. 5 days to graduation.. tts sad.. i could still rmb e 1st day in cchms, when we r seated in e grand audi to learn sch song.. it has been 4 memorable yrs, now its going to end.. fell many times, oso learnt a lot thruout e 4 yrs.. i think ill nv forget wat i hav gone thru in cchms..
anything else, i forgot.. its like those days back to study only again, not other targets, except for my tj.. mine? haha.. e same feeling i had for psle, bcos of him.. guess wat..?

... ..

2005-09-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

forgot to mention tt day, i dreamt of him last wk..
ytd went to watch e movie The Myth, a real fantastic movie.. its one of e best movie ive seen, e changing of e scenes, e music, e story, e costumes, e plot all v v nice.. haha.. esp e part where e general killed many soldiers n standing alone on e pile of corpse, e way he resisted to fall, e background music was so grand n, wow.. haha, its beyond wat words can describe.. wan to watch it again another..
after all these days of debrief, e prelim results r out.. hai, tmr will b e critical one, which decides whether i can get into a jc, e c lit paper.. wa.. v nervous.. it decides whether i can get into mj..
well, i didnt look at him or look for him these 2 days at e lecture theatre, or rather i tried not to.. it reminds me of ..., n e feeling to heart shattering.. no one noes wat had happened.. ill reveal it one day, after time has recovered e wound, or when i cant bear e pain any longer..

again..?

2005-09-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

ytd was e debrief of el n hcl paper 1.. was thinking should i start writing descriptive instead of newspaper type.. hai..
again i hav to say, watever tt does not belong to u will not stay bah.. those tt does not belong to u, even if u insist, its useless.. well, i had a further taste of tt ytd.. n it seems like i was e one hu... .. ya, thanks to me, all thanks to me.. theres no way im going to regret, no way im going to retrieve anything.. i ought to take on all these myself, cos it all thanks to me, ya rite..

prelim is finally over..

2005-09-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to xiaoxu..

after so many days of suffering, prelim is finally over, finally.. bt actually felt a bit sad, dunno y la, its like u only hav one olevel prelim in ur life, then its over, ended b4 u noe it.. then when its time for results, i feel really nervous.. im not thinking to tjc for 1st 3 mths, cos i noe i started studying too late, theres too much syllabus ive not touched on.. no use regretting, so im only hopping to get into a jc, most wanted mjc, though then i will not b able to c him for 3 mths, which is v saddening.. bt theres ... in mj.. btw, if ive been studying really hard since last yr, i might stand a chance to b in rj, then i can b in e same sch again with him, though only for e 1st 3 mths, cos i wan to get in to tj no matter how gd my result is.. anyway, there r still 1 mth left, still time for me to revise, no use crying over spilled milk, though i still believe to live in dreams sometimes does help, ha..
anyway, after last wks papers, i started slacking.. went to eat haagen das ice cream for e 1st time on thurs, ok la not bad.. then fri slacked e whole day, then went to my sis sch watch her singing comp, then to e airport to fetch my dad.. sat went to sph for huixun meeting, stayed back a while more to discover things there.. sun as usual didnt study much.. then was e 3rd last n 2nd last paper.. tues holiday, slept till 12 sth, which im v guilty of, for sleeping so much on e eve of amths paper.. then hooray, was e last paper amaths.. although is e last paper, i don feel much joy, cos i noe im going to flunk e paper, hai..
anyway, playing n slacking plan will b carried out till nx wk, then e real hard studying begins..
things i will do after olevel, gathering with 6e ppl, practice piano, practice guzheng, learn violin, finish my diary, prepare for prom, update my photo album.. a lot more on e list..

regrets..

2005-09-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

watever tt does not belong to u will not stay bah i think.. like friendship, like relationship, like obects.. like e 26 mins on 1st aug, n 27 min on 23rd aug.. wat does not belong to me, theres no use insistting to hav.. i don understand, it jjus vanished on its own.. i dunno how.. like friendship, it jus dimed without notice, n theres no way ure going to retrieve.. like time, if u don treasure it ure going to regret, yet its futile..
i dunno how to desscribe my feeling aftter recovering tis.. i can only say n advice.. nv fake things out, ure going to make a big fuss out of it.. n i regrets, yet its still useless..

... ..

2005-08-30T10:39:00.000+08:00

thanks to hm.. for e cake n everything..
today is physics practical, tts y im here.. haha..
ytd was prelim paper 1.. el i think not too bad, cl ok bah..
after tt went study with joy.. i kept e piece of paper we wrote abt tt guy.. n ill rmb how we laughed at joy, she jumped up a bit when someone behind her coughed.. haha..
then these few days like nth big happened bah.. everyday quite e same.. i still don get to understand certain things.. think still being disliked by a lot ppl.. made me feel being quite a failure in sec sch.. so sad.. still could rmb e 1st day in cch.. then now going to end, didnt even achieved anything.. pretty sad rite.. hai..
e last things i wan to achieve in cch is e report i writing for ms wong n bball team.. then is my prelim, hopes to get into jc in e 1st intake.. then is my olevel, i wan to b in tj for e 2nd intake..

1st entry at 18 yrs old.. lolx..

2005-08-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

quite a new start..
happy bithday to me..

as an "adult", i would like to really thank those hu plays an impt role in my life, a lot of names to mention, really thanks v much..
btw, i can watch m18 today eh, haha, actually should go watch today then when e time to check ic v sehr, haha.. bt no time la, so sad..
ill watch at least 1 m18 movie tis yr, n i wan go clubbing once, cos i hav reached e legal age, haha..
bt actually, i don giv a damn la, if i can choose i would choose to b 16 lo, seriously speaking, or even 14..

ytd mon.. went to clementi sports hall to support our c boys in e semi finals i guess, guess wat, we won!! hooray~ haha, so will b fighting for championship again on thurs.. looking forward to tt day v much.. n hope tt we will win.. anyway, y am i so enthu in whether they win or not, mayb im jus interested in everything concerning bball.. besides, it is true tt all guys i liked previously r those hu play bballs..
lastly, sth i don quite get it, y do i need to do reports n interviews on my birthday for e whole day? y, i ashed for it wat, cos i forgot it would b my birthday.. by anyway i not sad, cos i enjoyed interviewing ppl.. haha.. gd luck to me tmr.. ganbede~

e last 5 min of my 17 yr old life..

2005-08-22T11:55:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. tis is e last time.. im really sorry..
sorry to yy.. last time im saying tis, im truly sorry..

so tis will b my last 17 yr old entry.. n ill b spending e last 5 min of my 17 yr old life blogging..
ok 1stly i feel sad la, for i didnt spend my 17 yrs of life appropriately n meaningfully.. hai, so cliche.. its really been a lonely 17 in terms of bgr relationship, bt in terms of friendship, im v greatful to those hu had enriched my life.. thank u v much..

e last person i talked to in e class was joy.. last touched was joy, last took bus with was joy..
e last person msged me was hm..
e last guy i msged was yr, e bball player..
e 1st one wished me happy birthday was yw..
e last shuai guy i saw in e sch was e mvp, well shuai as in according to e sch.. haha..
e last person i missed was him..

so kiss gd bye to 17 yrs old, n reluctantly, welcome 18 yrs old..
dunno y im like a bit emotional n things like tt.. i think its like stepping into another process of ur life bah..

its been a long time..

2005-08-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
happy belated birthday to yy..
happy birthday to singapore..

ytd was national day celebration cum cross country at east coast park.. personally i felt tt its jus cross country in red, nth much diff.. anyway, gotten 34th for e whole level, 4th in class.. improved 4 places for e whole whole level, 2 places in class.. not tt satisfied, cos could hav improved more, if he didnt run jus behind me, he could b my motivation to run i think, then could improve by e few more positions.. haha..
went to bugis with joy, stinking a lot ppl on e way.. n we suddenly found tt hair spray was so cool, searched for e whole bugis to look for e purple one bt couldnt find..
n one thing v impt.. haha, i saw dx on my return bus!!! 1st must thank joy, for suggesting to take mrt.. then i suggested taking 12 at tanah merah.. so we boarded bus.. when e bus is reaching bus stop, somebody came down from upstairs, n i saw him!! ok he seemed to b more hao kan, n hes wearing tis red shirt ( forgot to c whether is it his last yr class tee.. haha ) for national day celebration, mj pants, n grey sling bag.. its like.. i dunno how to describe, bt... haha.. n i finally noe where he lived.. its e same bus stop, e other side of my hse.. haha..
anyway, read tis article abt vietnam war, how e war using chemical weapons has harmed e ppl esp kids there for 30 yrs.. i felt so sorry for them, there was one child with abnormal limbs in e pic, with pleads n desperate in his eyes, i really felt sorry.. thank god i live here, not vietnam.. i dunno how i could help them, no idea how they going to survive, bt sincerely pray for them, hoping tt there will b great things waiting for them ahead, to make up for the unhappy n unhealthy life they had now..

i dunno how to explain.. 17 days..

2005-08-05T17:25:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
happy birthday to yt..

e 1st time i find finding someone to talk is so difficult.. theres no one can talk to me, listen to me.. another failure in cchms.. y things always turns out like tis? i dunno how to describe my feeling when i saw tt la, i got into e wrong class or wat.. i dunno.. got a little bit annoyed recently, abt... .. so i guess tts going to b tt la, im not going to use it, i don wan to waste money, treat it as a sch event not a class event..
u only noe how to talk n comment, y dont u try it urself, bcos said is easier than done, ill prefer tt u jus shut up.. get it?
u may think tt we werent frens at all, jus base on today.. i dunno, jus a bit disappointed la, it was used to b like tt.. can i blame it on e olevel, bcos its so pressurising? or should i jus blame myself, for being so seemingly not enthu? to b so apparently calm n expressionless all e time?

y would things turn out tis way..?

2005-08-04T16:19:00.001+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

y.. wat was our 1st sentence today? i couldnt rmb.. is there any? y would things turn out tis way? i dunno la, bt sometimes, i really get jealous, abt wat? y? i dunno how to figure tt out.. wat has been happening ard those day? i don rmb.. wat conversation has been going on in class? wat hav i eaten in class tis wk? how do u describe e feeling of going to sch for e sake of going?
e definition of gd frens, is tt they share e same pt of view, though wat they do may differ.. frens not necessarily hav to stick together everytime to prove tt they r frens.. they r frens in their hearts.. invincible n bonds unbreakable by dist n time..
sometimes things is seemingly tis way, bt tts only e surface..
i dunno how to change myself, e ways i presented myself.. i may look angry bt im not, i may look glum bt i may b happy, i may look not so enthu bt most of e time i am excited, i my look sian bt i am really interested.. i may look like wat u think bt actually i may not b tt way.. how can i explain in such a way so tt ull understand..? i really am interested..
i agree tt we became really gd frens bcos we sits together initially, bt everything ought to hav a start.. n it don jus end anyhow, it only ends when sth happens.. sitting together was a start, bt its not going to end, jus like tt, it will not..
i dunno noe how far u hav understood wat i hav said, bt sometimes im really not e way i was expressed..
changing place was really a test of frenship, bt i believe we r gd frens.. yw n i hav known for 4 yrs, though different classes, one or 2 sentences a day or less, we will still enjoy our time when we met, back to e old days tt we hav spent together.. u will feel tt e feeling did not come back, bcos it was there all e while jus tt u didnt take notice of it..
we may seemed to b drifted apart, bt its apparently.. i believe u will understand wat i mean, well, if u really paid attention during english, haha..
i think it is similiar as me n my sis.. we may not talk to each other for 1 whole wk, bt when e time n e mood comes, theres going to b endless topics..
yes clear?

anyway, i think i really gained a lot by sitting with wilbur for jus 2 days.. yup, really thanks to wilbur.. o ya, i found out tt cc will comment sth when i 'communicating' with hm, bt didnt mention anything when it is v obvious tt wilbur n i was talking e whole lesson.. n personally i felt tt i wont do derek any gd sitting with him.. sometimes i really wanted to help bt theres no way out.. ya, so i think its gd tt we stay like tis until e oral.. although a bit sorry to wilbur.. thanks wilb..
o ya, thanks to joy too, whom i c for 18 hrs a day..

26 mins..

2005-08-01T20:39:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
1 mth anniversary to jones interview..

significant day today.. during e lunchbreak, 26mins..
personally i felt tt it was much better than last time, though i still didnt do a lot of things.. bt i think tis time is enough le, mayb nx time, ill try... .. mayb will update again if i thought of sth else..
so tts abt it.. i don feel regrets, which is gd.. :)

95 days to olevel..

2005-07-22T20:51:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
happy bithday to my bro..

sad day for today.. our seats had been changed n hm was transferred to e front sitting with ws, n i sitting with derek.. so sad, set me apart from hm, not being les or wat, jus tt we had too many memories together n too many things to hala, hai, n had so much fun sharing food behind.. though 3 wks is not a v long period bt when graduation is jus 2 mths more away, 3 wks time is a v long period.. dunno y tt its jus change of seats, not yet graduation, we were like going to separate for life, v v sad.. think is e perception she has on us, e how she wanted to separate us made us sad.. well, personally i feel tt i hav been learning while joking our way thru, though we joke during class, we really learn from each other.. it used to b when i dunno anything bout maths, ill ask hm, then she will ask henry, then ask yl.. if its going to stay permanently like tt on mon, ill rmb how hm pressurised to do work, which made me had a lot hw done than previous time.. ill rmb henrys jokes which kept us awake during several maths lessons, though some were not really funny according to others, i still appreciates them, n indeed, henry is a nice mushroom, haha.. n of cos ill rmb yls patient teachings, even though i can b v stupid at times, hes willing to teach, n oso sometime, his occasional jokes in class.. i really appreciates v much of e times sitting behind, appreciates e times we had fun, n im going to miss them.. n o ya, thanks to henry for making e environment cool by being an aircon.. ha..
today was e 1st time seeing henry being so angry n pissed, cos everytime he was e one comforting me when i got angry.. n its oso e 1st time seeing yl got so pissed tt he went out of e class immediately after e bell rings, without saying anything.. n finally, we had photo taken for e 4 of us, not in e class bt e lecture hall.. n for e 1st time, yl smiled a bit in e photo, wa, quite great achievement, haha.. sometimes hear from ppl tt we 4 seems to b v gd frens, sitting at e back, always hear joy n laughter from us.. bt sometimes i really wonder, r we really tt gd frens.. bt today i finally realised n i think we r a bit further from e extent of frens, we r gd frens n partners, n of cos mushrooms, haha.. don blame me, blame e aircon henry, basically most of e skills was imparted from him..
anyway, got a bit of regrets, cos haven really started revising c lit with hm in class..so sorry abt tt.. n a bit sad, we only started sharing food for 1 wk, n i can still rmb e expression yl had when he saw e burger sweet, haha, so cute like a 4-yr-old kid..
anyway, hoped tt hm will come back sit with me for other lessons, so tt i will not slack too much.. hoped tt henry n yl will not b too sad on mon.. hoped tt it will b alrite on mon..
i don wan to make any comments abt oral, ill jus not b too kind in letting others choose e teacher 1st again, n practice more so tt they got nth to say.. i don believe im in such a low standard tt i even lost to so many whom i think... .. well, i still got 3 wks left..

happy racial harmony day

2005-07-19T11:13:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

todays e last racial harmony ill ha had in cchms, oh tts a bit sad isnt it..
took a lot of photos with a lot ppl during e lunch break..haha, ppl like of cos hm, hl, yw, n then joy, lx, xl, sarah, yt, yy, dawn, pearly, henry, ws, yl, zr, derek, wilbur, n ppl from other classes like, jh, fredrick, ly, tj, rl, zn, tiffany, cm, st, zt, yj, jq, blah blah ( heh, i actually listed all out.. ).. then took e 4 of us sitting at e last row, n we last 5 ppl without yl, hu ask him left so early.. had taken so many until my smiles were a bit stiff, bt think is e 2nd last time having tis mass photo taking bah, i wan to take again on e day of graduation.. ok lah, i think a lot of e photos taken today quite nice, i like a few in particular, bt got a few ppl i didnt manage to take photo with, ppl like zx, ll, my dear juniors, etc bah..
n im v disgusted n disappointed with our class ppl tt tis yr, we didnt hav a class photo, as not everyone is dressed up.. mayb some hav their reasons, bt e main thing is not abt whether or not u hav been dressed up or wat, is e thought tt counts bah, tis refers to those hu dressed up n yet their pt is not to contribute to class nor anything, anyway wat i wan to say is its thier attitudes tt disgust me, puke.. anyway, i respect those hu dressed up though they did not wan to, most imptly with an positive attitude, ya, n i wan to thank lx for taking e trouble to borrow many costumes n bring to sch, though i not e one hu benefits, i jus like her attitudes tis time towards tis thing la.. anyway, there r certain ppl hu has been diregarded as gracians long ago, so nobody really cared abt whether a class photo is taken, as grace has always been having certain no. of ppl since e start..
ok anyway, today wore tis purple jap costume, which i think i look a bit, err, i think is uncomfortable initially, then after tt ok le bah.. well, to those hu thinks tt i was jus trying to show off n trying to b diff, i can tell u tt, im not trying to b special, is jus tt e crazy-over-japan me has longed to hav a chance to wear kimono, n today is jus making my wish come true, watever u might think abt me is only u think, its in neither ways concerning me..
jus came back from e airport with joy, to study.. im definitely going to miss our times together after graduation..
btw, so many things happened today, i dint hav e heart to study today, so im going to fail my 1st compo n my ss seq test, n im exhausted, both physically n psychologically..
tmr is going to b e 1st prelim sub, e english oral, all e best to me, n of cos, those hu has been regarded as gracians, as well as those whom i regarded as my frens.. nitez..

101 days to olevel..

2005-07-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

2 wks anniversary of e exclusive interview with jones, as according to hm, haha..
had 4 tests tis wk, going to fail 2 i think..
btw, tues was pe, n guess wat we had? like wat ms tan said, ask us to flatten e cans, haha, a bit stupid lah.. we with jt, each must take a bag of hundred cans.. think we still had fun bah.. was thinking whether should do a report abt tis, bt don think i hav e time, aiya, i dunno la..
n tues, i went home quite early n did quite a lot hw, haha, n i v proud to say tt at 1st wanted to sleep at 12, then used my determination to finish one more chi compo b4 i slept.. haha, i felt gd..
wed finished my chi holiday hw.. hooray~ finally, haha..
1st 3 days hav been doing hw, bt slacked on thurs n fri.. im sorry abt tt.. ill improve on it nx wk.. bt anyway, still did a lot hw tis wk, comgrats to me, haha..
thurs went to study with joy at airport, till 11 sth, then went home together.. hehe, thanks to joy for teaching me probability, n thanks to hm for concerning my studies, hehe..
fri was a fun day, cos we brought food to class, then had fun behind smuggling food into our mouths n between ourselves, n tried hard hiding it away from every teacher.. haha, can say tt our relationships was brought closer by food, haha, a bit strange though..
went to distribute fliers today at lavender, nth much abt tt.. then went sph late, didnt do anything except for helping them do e popcorns da sheng jiang, its on charity n nkf tt thing.. then walked out with our leader, hs, thought a lot abt wat he said, wondering if im going follow his footsteps one day.. btw, quite surprised abt e new comm..

101 days to olevel, 41 days to prelims, 91 days to graduation, to kiss gd bye to cchms, 38 days to 18th birthday, kiss gd bye to my lonely 17.. y all tis hav to come so fast.. i always thought 2005 is still a long way to go.. hai..
found out tis wk tt we only had 3 more mths to graduation, hav to kiss gd bye to cchms, to my dear neighbours, n to e places i had special memories of, hai.. my 4 yrs of sec sch life is going to end, n yes, i hav regrets, hav a lot.. a lot of should hav done tis shouldnt hav done tt etc..
so ill live hard for my last 3 mths in cchms, try not to hav any regrets for tis 3 mths.. going to bring food to sch everyday, cos we had fun.. haha.. n yes, im going to hav an autograph book, let those hu i think is worth to write in it..

listened to jones ytd on 933 for wo ye shi dj, was quite pissed tt his firelight had been cut, then one of e song was oso cut away, cos he said 5 songs then came out 4.. bt his voice really nice n hao ting, haha..
anyway, looking forward to seeing jones again tmr, his 1st autograph session in singapore.. hope tis time ill get to shake his hand, haha.. n i miss his live singing..

shi kang jun rocks totally!!

2005-07-01T11:31:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

alrite actually today is sat, bt i jus wan to put e date as 1st..
anyway, today is a v v significant day for cchms, of cos for me, n i think most probably hm oso.. haha.. cos today is e day~ tt i got my 1st personal, face-to-face interview with my great senior, SHI KANG JUN, jones!! has been thinking n hoping tt one day i will b able to actually c him in person n interview him, i finally did it!! n guess wat, i jus said tt on sun, n it came true.. wahahaha..
so he was my 1st interviewed popstar.. i must say i failed in my attitude lah, though e questions were really nice n sounds gd.. all thanks to hm.. i think i failed in smiling too little tt made my attitude seemed a bit big, n made e thing a bit too formal.. ok, i will not make e same mistake nx time..
anyway, he came at 10 sth, e time when jz arrived, bt i only saw him at 11 sth.. 1st saw him was at e bench nearer to e front gate, his hair was so nice n shuai, his shirt a bit too fit, which showed his broad shoulder n a bit of muscles.. it was white long-sleeved shirt, n bottom is jeans.. saw him went to bball court to let e photographer take some photos of him with e bball.. he looked so pro with bball, though his skills deproved quite a lot.. n btw, he was e captain of his badge bball sch team, so pro.. when he went to e bball court, i went to his bench there, when he was coming back, i found tt i dunno how to react loh, its like hoping to c him for v long oready, when finally saw him e feeling was v unreal.. n i don believe tt hes only 174, he looked so tall, n broad-shouldered.. then went to e audi to announce e progress of e can-chaining project.. he went to audi stage to do sound check, n of cos i followed.. when he started singing i was like, omg, i wanted to scream, it was so touching manx his voice, n during sound check he sang e whole song loh, it was beyond wat words can describe lah, his voice so hao ting, so touching ppl.. jus a word hao ting cannot decribe e level of his great voice lah..
his sound check did not finish when they came in, then i dunno where was i.. went to e front of e audi to look for hm, n shi kang jun, saw her then she told me, go in to e staff rm 1, then i was like, huh, when he went in de? how come i didnt c.. n i talked like v loud, huh? then i c tt he was jus A FEW STEPS BEHIND ME.. omg, yet i talked so loud.. aiya, v paiseh eh.. stupid..
so finally went into a room called ting hu xuan in e level 1 staff room.. haha, another room with special memories.. there were a table n 3 chairs there in e room, he went in 1st n chose e inner most one.. he didnt smile to us at all, i think he still dunno tt we were e ones going to inteview him bah.. his face looks a bit fierce without a smile, so we were more afraid of him rather than admire him in e 1st place.. i think i was.. then we don dare to sit down, stand at e cupboard there geh geh pack thing instead, bt actually theres nothing to pack.. anyway.. finally settled down, so i said i wan e chair opp him, so hm went to sit e centre one, bt, she did sth quite obvious, she pulled e chair away from jones n towards me.. yes is v obvious, n i bet he had surely seen tt.. should hav observed his expressions at tt time, haha, i was too shocked tt i forgot, oso don dare to look straight into his face at 1st..didnt look at his eyes oso initially.. hai, jus imagine tt ur idol whom u hav been wanting to c him n interview him, now is in front of u, its jus, omg..
ok so hm started off with e 1st qn.. n he can actually crap a lot, abt his music though.. bt sad to say, e situation was really cold in e beginning, like one qn one ans, bt, bt, as e interview progresses, he became more n more friendly, smiling more often too.. i think me oso lah, smiles were numb initially, then gradually, we all noe how to joke n laugh, eventually.. n im not kidding, its really joke n laugh, i can tell u tt jones is relly from cchms, cos his jokes were really lame manx.. n he is v dramatic, as in he acted out some of e things as he describes, which added e fun too.. n don use as an excuse tt one is from sap sch tt he will not b gd in english, his english was fluent ok, n his pronounciation was pro, haha.. so as we joke n laugh, time flies.. e interview started cold, ended in laughters, which we didnt expect at 1st.. think two of them think our interview quite gd bah, in e sense tt e qns were quite well prepared, which is definitely, cos we spent a few nites in searching for his info n published news in order to understand him, n prepared e qns..
though e interview ended, me n hm had a lot of regrets, like he wasnt given any drink or even plain water, not any recognition, n token of appreciation, like he jus came n left.. n one thing v impt, we didnt tell him hu we were at all lo, i don rmb telling him we were from lianhe zaobao, don rmb telling him my name, n i forgot to shake hands with him.. ah~~~ i jus forgot..
bt i think is ok lah, at least i got his autograph with my name signed, his autographed poster, took a photo with him, n ... .. ya, so at least i get to interview him, haha..
n btw, i didnt noe tt there were 2 outsider in e rm when we were interviewing until interviewed halfway.. even one is e s**** *****.. wth..
so after our interview we went upstairs e grandaudi to take photo, then he rested for while then was his time to perf!! bt wat i can say is, he seemed really nervous on his familiar stage, cos i feel tt he perfs better during e sound check, when e audi was empty.. bt on e whole it was gd, as in his voice n response n all tt.. only thing is tt e mcs jus sucks to e core lah.. shouldnt hav let them hold e event should ask ... n ... .. haha.. it would b better i tell u..
he sang three songs, ai zhong fei xing ( flying in love ), huo guang ( firelight ), n hei ye guo hou.. all was appealling to e ears, including e high notes.. he was really pro in singing..
after his small concert, he had a small auto graph session, i was proud to help them organise e queue, n stand beside e table to act as human block.. haha, to prevent ppl from getting too close.. all of them was taking enthusiastically taking photographs of him.. so after tt, he went into e staff rm again.. then we were honoured to b identified by alison to escort him to e carpark, haha.. my 1st time got e job of escorting someone.. think all those saw us was thinking y they got e chance to like follow him everywhere he goes like tt.. haha, n im proud of tt, ya..
then , he jus got on to e car, n jus left like tt.. i think my heart n spirit jus left along with him bah, haha, think hm oso loh.. our 1st sentence was like, can we go home oready.. haha.. really sian halfway oready.. bt so sad, hav to continue report on e cans project.. bt at least we were sehr, walking ard with tt staff shirt, thanks to wj.. haha.. no wonder minge say he rocks..
n today did a lot of works tt shouldnt b done by us, like removing e fan from e stage, pick up rubbish lah, remove e chairs, rewriting contents on whiteboard, announcing results for each stage of completion of can chaining.. miscellaneous things like tt oso want us to do.. hello, we r student correspondent from lianhe zaobao, not those students whom u can command n do anything for u as u wished.. our job is to report on e cans project, not to serve as a handy man, get tis clear i tell u.. wth..
anyway, today is v v significant day, i got a one-to-one interview with a popstar, jones shi kang jun.. plus we walked ard as student correspondent reporting on cans project with jz, our official photographer from lianhe zaobao, in our sehr staff shirt, sehr pass, which hav to really thanks to hm, n our sehr black file.. muahahaha.. its a sehr day today.. yup..

busy wk..

2005-06-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

june holiday ended jus like tt.. last so called holiday of secondary sch life.. i don seem to haven gotten anything.. its like, a flash its one mth.. still a lot hw haven finish.. was recalling wat did i do, n found out tt i really did sat down on front of my desk n did hw, mayb too relaxed n did slowly n slacked qiute a bit.. i dunno leh, seemed to hav been doing hw bt a lot still undone.. hai..
so sch reopened with a lot work to do, huixun, can chaining project, cclep report.. then still got ss hw, hcl hw, plus hcl lesson project, aiya, i cant finish them tis wk lah.. 3 days oready didnt really touch a lot of sch work.. has been busy with report things..
n ya, heres e exciting part.. on sun when went to k box, sang jones, shi kang juns songs, haha, v proud to b in cchms to hav a singer senior like him, so handsome n talented.. ya anyway, then suddenly v curious abt his life in cchms, was thinking if i could meet him one day im going to ask him if he has joined talentime b4.. haha.. n guess wat, he will b coming to chung cheng for mini comcert... yeah~ hooray.. haha, n hm i fought a 30 min interview with him.. omg tts so unbelievable.. haha.. bt bt bt, saying is v easy la, really sit down to do a report is damn difficult manx.. jus finished studying his background info.. then found out tt fri wkly oso sharing e time with us, which means tt our time was divided, n questions limited too.. which is sad n more difficult for us to do a gd report.. hai~ i guess i not sleeping tonite le bah.. in order to work hard for everything tts listed.. including huixun, ya im sorry to my grp leader tt i hav to hand in late.. feel so sorry..
haha.. dream coming true le leh.. 1st time manx, i going to interview a popstar.. though its going to b difficult n i think ill b v nervous as im inexperienced.. jus hoped tt hm n i will do a gd job lah.. will put in my best de.. try to maintain an image as a student corresponsdent.. ganbade..
these two days had photo taking.. tues was co, n i had a super bad mood.. e reason still e same lah.. jus hated them.. hates their stupid faces insulting e blazers.. though i don really mean everyone.. n today was class.. stood beside yy.. n after tt took photo using ms chan choos camera.. e process was fun, n i took one with hl n ms chan.. hm don wan take with me, so sad.. think tts abt it le bah..
n btw, some updates bout him, haha.. he said hi to me on mon, which is so ... .. haha.. tried to smile back with a straw in my mouth, stupid face.. then tues had same pe period with him, saw him played bball.. ok lah, though he don look professional, bt hes jus gd in every sports la.. n today talked to him.. haha.. yippy.. im mad.. well, bt i don think tt i hav time tmr.. tts sad.. ya, then it ll b nx wk.. haha.. im looking forward to it, though i noe its not going to b wat ive wanted it would b.. bt i still v contented.. yup..
i looking forward to c shi kang jun, looking forward to his singing, n most imptly, see him in person n interview him personally.. haha..

last 2 days of june holiday..

2005-06-25T14:12:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

hai.. now should b at sentosa, playing crazily with txy.. bt due to slacking too much for e past 4 wks, i hav to lie to my leader tt im not feeling well.. has been waiting n thinking abt it for so long.. wanted to go so much, omg i felt sad.. its time to pay e price of not finishing hw b4 holiday ends as a sec 4.. hai.. eh? i changed hor.. if its e previous me ill jus go no matter wat, then wait till sch reopen then say.. haha.. congrats me, i grow up le.. haha..
sch reopen as compared to holidays, ill prefer holidays.. b4 sec 3 ill choose sch cos i find nth to do at home, jus slacking my ways thru.. bt now is different.. so many things i wan to learn, n complete.. 1 mth is not enough.. reflecting on wat hav i done tis few wks.. v little though i felt tt i hav been doing things all these while.. n now for i can say i don expect anything from anyone la, nth exciting abt sch at all, nth to look forward to, wheres my commitment, finish e sec 3 syllabus.. i cant finish tt in sch.. i dunno wat im talking abt, jus frustrated.. jus, sad.. im suffocating..
i felt tt my views hav changed.. mayb with increasing age, e point of view will mature bah.. for wat i c my sec 1s thinking v stupid, n i don think abt wat i think last yr le.. mayb after much disappointments, i don look forward to some things le bah.. tts sad.. n with increasing speed of e changing world, i don think i hav time for all tis oready.. sacrifices under growing up.. haha, saddening..
will update abt ytd 4gr bbq later..

co camp..

2005-06-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

ok.. ytd came back co camp.. slept for 20 hrs.. broke my record.. haha.. 4pm to nx day 12 noon.. cos 2 days only slept for 4 hrs.. v tired..
bt sad abt e camp.. nth i expected tt happened.. though e feelings still there.. i hate him.. i would rather he had said nth..
so 1st day.. was at e chi supplementary class.. till 12.. then they say e camp v bored so nvm.. had lunch, then was dazu, then games.. ok lah.. normal.. today nth special happened i guess.. i hate him, still hate, a lot.. then at nite talked with juniors e whole nite.. haha.. slept at 6.30.. woke up at 7.30.. ok a new day..
2nd day.. didnt had breakfast.. cos e comm was too engrossed in themselves.. then was games again.. then my fav sports time.. played cap ball.. i v sorry to my grp.. i wasnt really paying much attention cos i felt beating them was easy, n i quite pissed over e fact tt everyone hav to play cap ball instead of bball.. so we lost, for i started paying attention at mid time, by 2 pts.. sorry.. then played bball.. my fav.. tis time with st, other guys which i dunno their name oso my cb girls.. theres going to b a new scar on my face cos jasmine decided to play violent.. bt i don regret playing with them, n had a fun time, really.. think its e most enjoyable moments in my stay in e camp.. n everytime was like tt.. so i think i played not bad, except for e accuracy was a bit sucks.. bt think my skills improved everytime when playing with st.. there was once, we both got e rebound, both one of our hands stuck to e ball, bt i was a girl, so he used some strength then i lost.. hai.. bt e game was fun, n laughed a lot.. bt felled v hard on e ground once, got blue-black on my right side.. still alrite, got up at once.. haha, bt v stupid st, stand in front of me everytime i trying to shoot, noeing tt i cant shoot in front of somebody.. bt v proud of myself tt i shoot in once when he trying to gai me.. haha.. nx time got chance must play more with him, to improve my bball skills.. then was lunch, stupid st flicked my hair, then i shoot him with a rubber band, then he shoot me back, then e war goes on for a while, until i decided to stop, petty guy..
after luch was games again, then was dirty games.. n ya b4 tt miracles happened, which is i helped them tied water bags.. 1st time i helped them.. i dunno abt him, bt i can sense her negative feelings towards me, when i was jus trying to help, really, n it wasnt my fault, i wasnt involved.. i dunno how he felt, dunno how he reacted beside me, jus trying v hard to help them.. well, i dunno wat to say abt him.. haha, jh said i tied v fast, talked to him a bit, liked him a bit more, like his character, his attitudes, like his way of doing things as a chairperson..
then went back to my grp.. clothes was wet after e water game.. n i felt cold.. dirty games really v dirty, 1st station was pink flour mix, though e colour looked nice.. 2nd was giap soaked bread with ur head.. tt was fun, n we reused our breads, though it was disgusting bt i had fun.. 3rd was e most digusting game i ever had.. head into a pail of water with baked beans n dunno wat, must get out choco waffles, eggs, or mentos using mouth.. disgusting manx.. tis time must thanks to e 3 guys of our grp, esp md, cos of him we girls no need soak our face into tt dirty pail, really thanks, n he broke other grps de record, got e mentos.. it was v difficult lo.. one small mentos in tt big pail.. he said he gulp a lot water in his mouth then slowly filter.. bleahx.. n btw, tt station was by jh n fred.. so there got a bit... .. i don like e way he looked at me, don like e way his eyes shone as if he got sth to say, don like his eye expression when looked at my worried face.. ya n i hoped i can read his mind, so i noe wat his up to, n hope i can crawl out of tis hole dig by him, n by e dumb me.. i don wan to continue like tis.. jh was cute as usual, for i think he is.. haha.. then e games after tt i quite pissed.. so don wan talk abt tt..
then was shower.. most probably e last time i going to bathe in sch, n e water still cold as ever.. then dinner.. then was e nite walk.. e 1st time, i became e station master, n my location was e gym toilet, with yt.. e process was scary, at 1st we planned to both stay inside one cubicle, bt it was too dark, n we don dare.. staying outside e cubicles in a total darkness was scary enough.. was e 1st time scaring ppl.. we not allowed to switch on e light in e toilet was e 1st time, scary experience.. ok so some of them were scared, bt dunno y some were not.. if we could b more daring, it would b more successful.. bt e waiting time was v v boring n sianx.. we started preparing in e toilet since 9, then e whole thing ended at 3 sth, spent half e nite ine toilet, stupid rite.. then some don dare to walk, some took a long time, then e whole thing dragged n dragged, until i felled asleep in front of e gym toilet, as one grp can come after 40 min after another.. v bored manx.. both me n yt felled asleep.. haha, another unforgetable experience, felling asleep in front of e gym toilet.. bt tis time i v fortunate being e station master, cos tis time nite walk v scary, so luckily i station master.. anyway i peifu rit, can stay alone in e cca block bio lab, v bold hor, n v clever, can think of hanging a blazer to scare junior.. n btw, i quite disappointed with e grping la.. if... ..
so tt nite slept at 4am.. hav to wake up at 7, cos chem lesson starting at 8, if not then will let e whole class c yt n my way of sleeping.. jus imaging e whole class there plus mrs kee, looking at e sleeping yt n me plus my juniors.. v paiseh eh.. anyway, spent almost e whole chem lesson sleeping.. i don mean to bt i really cant open my eyes.. i bet yt oso bah.. haha.. anyway, when we having chem lessons, they were having farewell.. i don feel tt i hav graduated from cchmsco cos i wasnt there.. though after e buffet i saw e clips n e ppt.. i felt really touched la, n thanks to juniors.. y i think tt tis was e most touching farewell ive seen since sec 2.. is it bcos its my farewell, or its juniors jus love e way we seniors do things.. hai, when was in sec2, i think i still got a lot of time, did not expect e day when i hav to leave co.. so after e few yrs, is my turn now, i cant bear to leave co, is co, not them n i hates them.. y am i not in e comm, y don giv me a chance.. i hates them..
so think tts abt it.. nth surprises me, bt disappoints me, i cant tell wat im expecting, cos i don even noe myself, i wan to noe too, as well as... ..

24th day..

2005-06-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

24th day?! 24th day oready.. haiya, stupid, one mth at home still not much revision done.. sch reopen how..? aarrgh..
tmr going co camp.. hooray~ bt still need bring hw n do.. sobx.. n camp clashed with supplementary lessons.. bt im still excited.. yup, im excited abt e camp, though i still hate them, n i hate their stupid programme named talentime.. can i jus say tt ive got no talents therefore im not participating.. stupid..
n honestly speaking i don like e new comm.. e head is ok, bt others not to my expectation.. anyway i don care cos its not going to b my business anymore though im sad abt it, ya..
one mth at home, do i miss anything? do i miss sch? do i miss him? im not sure, cos im not sure abt how he thinks..
n ya, forgot to say.. 11th june was my 1st huixun meeting.. v exciting.. though i couldnt think a gd theme for our new huixun, bt our grp came out with a nice theme.. anyway, jus feeling excited abt doing e 1st huixun..
one more thing abt e camp, i rmb e feeling encountered last camp, which wiped out my excitement a little.. i hoped tt i dunno anything at all.. rather than smashing my hope after letting me noe..

18th day..

2005-06-14T15:50:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

my dad went back ytd.. took exactly e same flight as energy!! omg.. both come n return flights.. ya im jealous.. haha..
anyway, went to their autograph session on fri, bt v sad to say, i didnt get e signature..:'( sobx.. at harbourfront, a lot a lot ppl.. then they signed till 11.30, ended without my lyrics signed.. wuwu.. they said will sign again on sun at lot 1.. at 1st wanted to go, bt no one going with me n a lot other reasons so i went to orchard k box with my family then took newprints!! haha.. it looked nice.. our 1st family newprint..
i knew tt they ll take e same flight as my dad so gave him e lyrics.. then guess wat.. haha.. my dad got their signature on e plane.. haha.. though mine was really special, it was signed using blue colour i think.. then my dad queued behind milk, talked to him n shaked his hands!! im so jealous.. extremely jealous manx.. y i not e one taking e flight.. wuwu.. bt my dad like feel v paiseh doing tis kind of things.. if is my mum she will sure get more things for me, sth like tt.. anyway thanks to my dad.. haha..
haha.. n i tell u, i dreamed of him again today.. woohoo~ it was at e lecture hall i think.. haha..

13th day..

2005-06-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

hai.. so fast 13 days passed.. i felt lazy still..
my dad coming tmr.. so i guess not much studies could b done till nx wk..
so mon took e retest.. was in sch at 10, bt they say it was changed to 9.. so half took at 9 half took at 10.. ok e emaths test was v easy i think, most probably im not going to fail agaim.. bt sadly for amaths, im going to score 5 marks.. not trying to wat bt its real, i only noe e 1st question, which is matrices, then others either dunno how to do, don understand e question at all, or some i don even noe which topic it was from.. so sad.. i really didnt wan to fail bt i really don understand.. i noe i didnt put in enough effort, bt i jus cant understand amaths by myself, i jus dunno how to do e question, n its not my fault, its not wrong not noeing how to apply.. i really need help la~~ bt hu..
n one more big thing happened.. i got to talk to him today~ hahaha.. i got to talk to him again since e sec 3 camp.. haha.. his 1st sentence was... .. haha..
ok don wan to talk abt..
tues was in sch for e co comm election.. i dreaded to go tis one bt i hav to go.. i hate tis thing cos it reminds me of how i was being played ard with n tis is e reason y i hates them, hates their pea brains small eyes n tis stupid one-sided view n short-sightedness.. theyve got tis preconceived ideas tt makes them think tt they were always rite.. stupid.. wat makes them think tt theyve got e power to do tis?! anyway, i likes co, bt i hates them..
ok for wat i think, i didnt hear human nominees speaking until e 2nd last person.. most of e nominees hav tis close-minded way of seeing things n v shallow thinking.. omg cant they jus think deeper?is being young an excuse? come on la.. even tt kind of ppl can stand on top of me n b a member in e comm, i guess i hav nth to say, except to wish them to conduct themselves well la.. hopeless kids..
anyway.. afternoon went to 6e gathering again, haha, tis time again 7 ppl, so there were ly, sy, qw ( i think she became prettier ), maydeline, joey, ali ( left early again ), wadi ( e liar, hu came later n lied tt he haven play pool b4 bt played quite well..) n me.. played pool 1st, till 6 sth, which we left after being checked ic.. was thinking to eat cafe catel, bt ate long johns instead.. it was my 1st meal tt day, cos woke up late then didnt eat anything at all.. then after tt ly suddenly suggested to go bowling.. then all happily went to tam safra.. at 1st bought 10 games for 5, then bought another 5.. haha.. it was fun.. wanted to do e jaychou style of bowling bt was afraid tt i will throw to others lanes drain, then v v paiseh.. kept pestering them e pro ones to do tt bt they don dare.. haha.. nx time i wan to do it myself.. haha, c whether got nx time not.. bt its really hard eh, e bowling ball v heavy then v hard to swing.. haha.. tried demo a few times.. so it was fun.. had fun everytime with 6e ppl.. hehe..
btw.. got to thank joey, wadi ( liar ), ly, qw for staying so late for e extra game.. hehe.. it was late.. we played till 11 sth again..
today went to watch madagascar.. haha.. it was funny.. really laughed a lot.. bt i don think i wan to go watch any kids movie again, cos today in e cinema i was surrounded by little kids, n when they start laughing i felt tt e roof may jus fall anytime.. omg, they laughter was so sharp n loud manx.. i so cant stand it tt when laughing halfway hav to cover my ear.. really a bad experience.. omg.. bt anyway, e movie was really gd..
left 2 wks to study bt hav to minus e 3 days of co camp.. oya, co camp, haha, im excited abt it.. hai, bt stepping down tt day i think.. aiya, i cant bear to leave lah..

4th day of june holiday..

2005-05-31T22:03:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

so today was e 4th day.. was at mc training course in sch at 8 am.. ok la for e 2days training i find it v meaningful, in e sense tt we did a lot of activities tt helped us in a lot ways la.. think in terms of development in projection of voice, pronounciation, speed, body language, e way u speak, e culture.. a lot la.. gain a lot of underatanding in e art of not jus talking bt delievering of speech from other perspects of professionals.. sth like tt..? sounds chim.. haha.. anyway i could only say i really learnt quite a lot from e 2 days.. n ya e teacher rocks though she was a prc, bt i like her as im i admire her quite a lot.. cos shes a professional in drama, arts, piano n singing, i think is not exaggerating even if i say she is a professional in everything abt arts, every kind of arts, n most importantly, at tis young age of only 23.. its like wow.. haha..
then afternoon attended e amaths remedial.. quite a no of ppl failed.. well wat i wanted to say i really learnt e topics today la, slack n play at e same time learning..
well he didnt pass amaths, bt didnt fail so badly.. which means i can only c him againon mon.. orh~ tts sad.. bt i heard tt he passed his emanths n physics.. n of cos english n mayb chem.. bt wat i noe is he failed his combined human.. cos he had being failing ss all along.. haha.. oops, im sorry.. i don mean to la bt i miss him quite a lot.. bt bt bt, i saw him tis morning.. hohoho.. i think he came for physics practical.. omg he look so ... i tell u.. a transgression(?) manx .. aiya i dunno la.. haiyo..
now comes a promise.. i will at least pass amaths n emaths retest ok..

1st day of june holiday..

2005-05-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

ytd went to raffles institution to watch their cdc perf.. i think they did a splendid job.. tis was e 1st time i watch a male cdc perf.. ok la really not bad.. n was e 1st time i went to ri.. omg, e sch was really gd manx.. tis was e 1st time i found a sch really a lot better than my sch.. bt anyway im still contented with cchms..
bt these 2 days i began to unsatisfied being a girl.. haha.. cos if i were a guy, all those that happened at e paternal side wouldnt hav happend.. then mayb i would hav a chance to study in ri.. anyway, im really contented in cchms, n i cant bear to leave, either e sch or co.. if i were a guy, then i could play bball more freely.. hai.. had tis feeling everytime i pass by e bball court..
so today was e 1st day of june holiday.. e last so called holiday in sec 4.. could still rmb seeing sentence on e white board when i went to 4bn last yr.. n tis yr is my turn.. anyway surfed net for e whole day..
then jus now went to SCH to e concert of tjcco.. saw many of e seniors on stage.. then i realised that i noe quite a no of audience.. saw those ppl i saw at mega concert n east zone concert.. alrite i think tj deserve e name of e best co in jc bah.. some of e songs i like their begining part.. like wa.. haha.. was hoping to get into tj nx yr then i wan to joing co.. bt i wan join bball oso how.. hai.. i love both cello n bball then i dunno how to choose.. haha.. wait till i get in then consider bah..
n ytd was officially e last day of term 2.. time really flies manx.. after june everything is going to end v fast.. bt i don wish to leave.. in sec sch 4 yrs ended so fast then in jc isnt it going to end faster.. n somemore i feel that when grow older time pass quicker too..
so saw him at e flag raising, mayb he put too much gel today that he seemed to hav a different hairstyle.. n recently i sort of made up my mind that i think if still nothing happened till graduation, i will... .. bt is it too late.. graduation is v late le bah.. keke, sincerely hoping that he failed amaths.. haha, so that he will attend e amaths remedial.. im sorry abt being so evil.. haha..
actually my holiday hasnt started yet cos i hav to go to sch till 7th june.. will start piahing a n e maths tmr for e reexam.. sad eh.. then 2nd n 3rd hope to finish chem n clit or geog..

i think i hav failed..

2005-05-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

2nd of april, i took e hsk exam, costing $82.. well i wasted e money.. i think i hav failed, without knowing wat went wrong.. 2 more marks to get an A, jus a B for oral to hit e highest level.. i felt like a loser, a failure.. i dunno hav won anything in my whole life.. e impt things in my life, co comm? class comm? i think e only things i got was cchms n ... bah.. since i didnt treasure was i had, thats my retribution.. wat i wanted was an A cert.. mayb its jus a cert, bt thats is wanted society am i rite..
i begin to wonder wat hav i done in e past 4 yrs.. nothing meaningful except for performances.. thats e only experiences i had.. other than that i grabbed nothing, didnt really studied for any of e exams, i mean really study n revise.. not once at all.. not even streaming.. after today, i noe wat i should do..
i cant help to feel disheartened cos after all, i had high expectations.. bt i now realised that my standards hav remained in e same level as sec 2.. its time for me to ... ..

sometimes i jus feels that im alone, standing by myself in an enclosed space, with no one by my side.. sometimes i jus felt that im lost in my own world, dunno wheres my direction, where im heading to.. i don like tis feeling.. bt i cant find anything or anyone i can rely on or grab onto.. though knowing by such age i shouldnt say sth like that.. bt i cant help to feel.. lost n confused mayb.. totally lost in somewhere which i dunno how to escape.. dunno wat i should do, with no one to guide me, no one to pull me out of.. e abyss? sometimes even begin to doubt e significance of living.. well not that not wanting to continue life bt like wanting to cry to find no tears.. i dunno wat to live for.. alrite i noe its to study bt i jus doubt.. was silently shouting at e top of my voice without anyone noticing..
alrite, jus doubted, when im lost.. bt im still ok, perfectly alrite, jus doubted.. well i thought i would understand..
i felt that we were similiar.. mayb i don need a ... .. jus wan to prove that im more than existed, i live.. jus need someone to live with me.. thats all.. jus wanted to noe..

btw, wat caused my mye results to b so poor? its becos i nv study at all, don u get it, y bother me to explain.. study = score, dont study = fail, don u understand simple logic? n don ask me when am i going to start, im not one hu needs u to nag nag n nag so that i will study, i wan to study n i will.. im no need to b chased after.. only my mum understands me, she has e confidence in wat im doing..

long time nv cried on my mums shoulder.. cant rmb when was e last time.. let tears wash away e laziness within n start afresh.. i crave for change..

txy sports festival '05

2005-05-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to yl..

shall talk abt sat 1st.. it was e 6e so called class gathering with only a few pathetic ppl.. so ppl present, ly ts joey sl ali, anthony n me.. firstly, starwar de ending was wat i don wish to c.. e chosen anakin skywalker became e dark darth vader.. its so saddening.. n after that, went pizza hut to hav dinner, which i think was... .. hai.. then was e exciting part.. we went to play pool~ haha.. had a fun time.. was playing one to one matches, i cant believe that i lose to ts, cos i hit in e black one accidentally.. then started playing team matches, 1st was boy vs. girl.. then split, me, ly n joey.. so e whole thing was fun n we played from 7 sth to abt 11 sth.. hope to c them again soon, in june..
so ytd sun, was e sports festival of lian he zao bao xue sheng tong xun yuan!! e day which i hav been looking forward to since a long time.. haha.. arrived at e pasir ris mrt 5 min earlier, n wow, e 1st time im early for an event.. e 1st game was station games, at same time treasure hunt oso going on.. hav to look for 30 over items while playing games.. things like a handsome guy, a pretty girl, poster, cds, diamond ring, diamond necklace ( in a park?! ).. alrite then some games were quite lame.. had lunch at white sands.. afternoon played captain ball, which i was excited abt, bt disappointed me a lot.. cos no chair there for e captain, no actual boundary, our grp lost.. cos e other grp got wl, our grp only has 2 boys.. it wasnt fun.. bt b4 e bbq, our grp decided to play bball, then at tis time i met a chung cheng senior graduated 5 yrs ago, didnt noe that until hm tell me, was playing bball happily with him n yet didnt noe he was from cchms.. then bbq started.. nth to say abt that.. went to play bball again, tis time was fun, e cchms team which consists of hms dear sis, my new fren mge, one senior from ruiying, tj, n me.. surprisingly hm sis corperated quite well with us, not bad got moqi.. haha.. e whole match was fun n enjoying, n of cos with chung cheng spirits n hao xue li xing, we won~ haha.. i think so la.. anyway hu cares.. we enjoyed it.. played until 8 sth, some of them went home, our team left me n mge, so splitted e other team n continued playing, till like 10 plus.. well, really an enjoying match.. was like so long nv play bball until sweating all over, i felt enlightened..
though i was abt to stink myself to death n muscles aching all over, i still don regret going to e festival.. cheered during e game too, n glad to c that our spirits still remains, though a lot ppl were gone.. overall i enjoyed e event..
btw, i find ... v ... to me, i dunno bt jus felt that way, e similar feeling at mayb co camp?
today slept till 2 sth in e afternoon.. slacked e remaining day.. thats abt it..
n ya btw, i thought that co has ended, bt its going to continue till end of june, was happy that my dream could b continued, n im overjoyed, bt im sad that i couldnt hav e whole of june to solely concentrate on studies.. got to b distracted again.. hope ill hav e determination to finish e syllabus..
there will b a co camp too, at last wk of june holiday.. it reminds me of e camp that we had in dec, e expressions, e feelings, will nv come back, i think..? i dunno, even till today, wat hav i done wrong..

finally its over..

2005-05-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..
sorry to yl.. think i owe u a sorry for e time being..

ok so today mye was finally over, n tmr e nightmare is starting.. debrief starting, n going to c wth im getting for maths..
overview for tis wk..
mon was emaths only for i finally dropped physics.. enlightened me a lot.. n im spending more time on chem n c lit now.. i guess thats gd, n sincerely hoping so..
tue had amaths which e 2 of them jus suck.. cos for every maths paper i didnt had time to finish.. guess not enough practice, so jus c how i going to do in june.. tis is a promise n commitment not going to b broken nor failed..
wed egeog n hcl paper 2, chi not bad for sure, then geog i guess no hope, to score..
thurs, is e worse paper i had.. it was chem, nth much from basic, thinking that its all kind of critical thinking questions.. wat i can used to find myself e chem pro finds it difficult.. alrite, i admit that i didnt spend too much time tis rd, i promise to do much better nx time, n i will.. english is managable btw..
fri being too panic-stricken by chem, i studied e whole nite for c lit.. actually i wanted to catch some sleep bt by e time i came to realise, its oready near 4.30am, so i might as well don sleep.. so i looked forward to how i fair in c lit too, for i wan to c how well i can do for c lit in jus one nite of burning e midnite oil..
so today was another amaths paper, another paper which i spent like 15 min sleeping.. so not hoping to c tis paper at all, for i noe i going to flunk anyway, even if theres miracle..

enough of exams, here comes e exciting part of my day..
after e exam, e whole of our sec 4 level went for a movie at marina gv, coach carter.. e movie was extremely great, cos its abt bball.. i loved e way they slam dunk n defending which was almost invincible.. it was so cool, didnt regret watching it.. n e sound track was so pro-ly matched to e scenes.. i jus loved e movie.. n btw, it was a v educational n meaning one.. Coach Carter, great movie..

btw, fri e 13th was such a black day for me.. nth went rite today, except for one, which ill talk abt later.. well i can believe that i ACTUALLY lost my wallet AGAIN?!?! omg, y e hell am i losing things everyday.. quite a great loss tis time bt i cant actually rmb wats inside my wallet.. anyway, i wan to get over tis soon..
n my mum was back on that day.. things seemed to b different, which i cant get use to as she had left for 2 mths or so.. nvm, ill get use to it soon which i should n will b..

enough of craps.. now i noe y my entries r always so long.. i don like to talk bt i like to crap using words.. my diaries r even longer.. thats me, wastin time on unnecessary things which i always do.. nah, jus stop crapping..
so was on fri that he... .. hehe.. actually nth much.. haha.. im insane n i noe it.. was hoping for my dreams to b true.. kept thinking abt tis for tis 2 wks.. if that kind of dreams can b true, y not tis one..
n oh ya.. saw dx at pasir ris mrt.. nv c him for quite long then i think he became more ... .. keke.. anyway nth much..
n oso on thurs.. met wz at e library.. was like so long nv c him then suddenly he became quite tall n ya, changed a lot.. although his tone n e sense of humour didnt change much.. was feeling familiar when i saw him.. a lot of memories refreshed, regarding p5 n p6.. times passed cannot b brought back, e reality is cruel..
wat a crap..
i m excited abt tis sat, as well as tis sun, e ti yu jie of tong xun yuan..
tmr is ss paper debrief.. im looking forward to it.. n abt wats going to happen tmr..
oh hell, by e rate of e amt of craps im giving, mayb im going to do a bit better for essay bt will fail badly for summary.. haha..

no mood..

2005-05-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..
sorry to yl..
y is tis list kept increasing itself.. tmd..

had 3 papers e past wk.. el paper i think its ok bah.. hcl i guess not bad.. ss quite manageable..
spent 20 mins during hr thinking wat to write.. in e end rushed 4 pgs.. c, chinese was that easy.. ss had a bad time rushing.. spent too much time reading background info.. cos i don get e context.. got to improve my speed of reading n understanding.. exceeded 7 min like that for sbq.. then spent 15 min each on seq.. anyway on e whole e paper was easy as manageable.. im excited abt how my paper fairs.. felt hand muscles aching after times up.. kept writing while thinking thruout.. finished e v last min..
then rushed lunch n went to c lit supplementary lesson.. rushed chi compo after that.. hooray~ finally finished that compo.. haha.. e whole day was rushing, so walked super slowly out of sch.. i guess everything has a balance in life bah.. like when u break with someone that really loves u, u got to get ur retribution sth like that..? ya, mayb thats y..
life is going to b tough nx wk.. n should i take physics mye nx mon? i don think so bah.. 1 1/2 yr of work is not easy.. im a loser.. i gave up.. anyway i don wan to spend 2 n 1/2 hrs there doing nth.. haven talk to mrs cheng yet.. nah.. talk to my mum 1st.. aiya i dunno wat to do la.. wth..

wat will u do if u hav only 3 mths more to live?

2005-05-02T15:03:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm.. in anyway, i wan to apologise n thank u.. sorry n thanks..

wat will u do if u only hav 3 mths more to live..?
i will tell every one whom i liked b4..
thank every one hu had helped me in anyway..
n say sorry to every one whom i think is WORTH me doing so..
tell every of my frenz that i love them..
well, thats wat i think.. bt dunno will b doing it if i only had 3 mths left.. anyway say is always easier than done..
btw.. y am i writing all tis..? weird me..

n ya, lastly.. hooray~ todays a holiday.. haha.. though i miss sch..

i dunno hu to believe..

2005-04-30T18:15:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. think its time to... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

today was sat.. a sat without co, i felt restless.. woke up at 7.30 then went back to sleep, as realised no need to wake up so early.. woke up at 3pm instead..
anyway.. think its time to buckle up le.. rmb saying tis b4 valentines.. still felt empty.. e feeling felt was like a dream, like a flash.. i don wan to believe, i wan to live in my dream, bt i cant chose.. slept till headache..
was feeling happy those days cos i decided to drop physics.. i really don wan to study physics.. i dunno if ill regret.. i hope not.. i regretted even till now, for giving up two of those i wanted to commit to.. anyway, started to feel like studying chem.. cos i don hav physics now, was motivated to study chem.. i hav 5 mths left.. i cant afford to start learning physics from now, i don hav e time.. i wan to say im not supposed to avoid, bt e reality was hard.. i was thinking if i can do well for chem, theres no chance im going to regret for giving up physics.. hai..
was overjoyed over mon.. felled so hard ytd.. how long more do i still hav to rise n fall with little things done by u.. jus a glance n a smile is wat i longed for.. how sad.. i don wan to... ..
y did u say sth like that..? is it supposed to b a joke..? did u mean it..? y, do u hav to say sth like that.. e deer died, happy?.. i wan to believe, bt im not supposed to.. y is tis so.. unfair.. can u stop saying things like that if it is meant to b a joke.. i don wan to take it anymore..
wats going to happen next..?

a lot of things to say..

2005-04-24T00:41:00.001+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

its going to b a long entry.. lots of things happened n ended.. so here it goes..

12th april 2005, tuesday..
had co everyday since tis day..
today was dazu.. last wk b4 syf.. sad to say cant c any reason to get a gold..

13th april 2005, wednesday..
today was extra practice for cello..

14th april 2005, thursday..
extra dazu b4 syf..
n shit.. think past too many days that i cant really rmb wats memorable..

15th april 2005, friday..
a normal fri.. went to co.. it was e last xiaozu i had at cchmsco.. i felt sad.. anyway dunno wat can i say.. taught sec 1 juniors today n e last time im seeing them officially in co.. bt i think ill b going back quite often after that.. cos i cant bear to leave..

n today at 6 in e evening.. my dream was true.. he didnt wait for me.. i wanted to go back in june.. i wan to greet him e last time..
still could rmb e last i we talked on e phone.. y wait for things to end n ppl to leave then want to treasure..?

16th april 2005, saturday..
today went to holy innocent pri for an exchange programme.. n today is e last sat that i hav to go to sch..
cos of tis, i wanted to b early, bt in e end woke up at 8.05 in e morning.. i felt sorry..
it was not a too bad perf.. tk solo.. n ms tay said cello has improved.. hehe..
used their stage to practice xingkong..
after that extra practice for cello again.. for abt an hr or two.. n i found out that count beats using legs was easier than hand.. haha..
n btw.. today played bball in sch with co boys.. including jh, fredrick, st, tk,ck.. it was fun for me, though in e end we didnt win.. lost to jh, fredrick n ck.. which i think was definitely cos i haven winned jh once.. n all of them played pretty well..

now my hands r tired.. need time to refresh my memory into more details.. so will continue blogging on e same post later.. sorry to co..

ten more days to co syf..

2005-04-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

long time nv update oready.. shall talk abt sph 1st..
last sat went sph.. n stayed till 9 plus then went home.. was editing on e zigengdi.. finally finished today.. n from 2000 over words to less than 1200 words was a great achievement.. haha.. heartfelt gratitude towards all tianying ppl hu came down that day..n ya.. happy belated birthday to yuru.. n i felt fortunate to b with e enthu ppl of tianying..
n ya.. was coughing badly these few days.. im sorry to everyone sitting at my area.. for disturbing ur during lessons.. really sorry.. these ppl includes.. hm, henry, yl, yy, xl, wilbur, n mayb derek n ws.. ya.. truly sorry for my irritating coughing n sniffing.. n thanks to xl.. :)
last sat was co.. was thinking not to b late for tis last few practices, bt late again for 10 min.. haha.. going to b early for tis last sat practice.. ill definitely going to miss co i guess.. n is not e ppl is e co.. ppl mayb a few bah.. including those seniors hu graduated few batches back.. ya made me wanting to come co.. haha.. i guess is e feeling bah.. i dunno how i going to live after losing one of my commitment.. after 21st april.. its really time to change my focus to studies.. till today i could still rmb e day when we had syf in 2003.. 8th july.. e day we retrieve e gold award.. sincerely hoped that we could get it tis yr.. bt gold with honour, think no chance le.. with tis slacking attitude of tis younger batch.. hai.. thats really how i felt.. so jus praying for a gold.. n going to bring back cello to practice.. my last chance to use it.. when will i get my own..
for i hav to say.. i didnt regret joining co.. n i think jh n fredrick did a gd job tis yr.. plus a few comm members..
e rest of felts ill leave till 21st april.. e day when ill step down.. regardless of how much i can t bear to leave..
how sad.. e last note of molihua at sch, will b my last note played in cchmsco.. then thats e end of my life in cchmsco.. i hav to say that there r times i really hate some ppl n disagree on some of e rules implemented which made me wanting to quit.. bt on e whole, i don regret joining..
was thinking wat i had went thru in cchmsco in e past few yrs.. shall reflect on that later..

btw.. watched naked weapons ytd.. nothing much abt e content except that its quite cruel.. bt it made me reflect on a lot of things..
as i was fortunate to live in wat i am now.. i felt content physically to wat was given to me.. gratitude esp. expressed to those hu brought me happiness.. including my mum n dad.. thanks lots..
i think i must change e habit of blogging not blogging for a long time, then once started i cant end.. haha.. nitez n sweet dreams.. to everyone i care for..

pray for me..

2005-04-03T18:10:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm.. thanks..

were at toa payoh interchange ytd.. was hanging ard then started interviewing ppl.. it was fun lo.. n i met one jap guy studying in chs.. haha.. hes so ... .. omg.. though hes not tall..
ytd went csc at buona vista to take hsk.. was so nervous at e time of oral.. only tem min.. n its all abt geog.. i basically puked out everything memorised from geog txbk n jus translate into chinese.. n they only giv 30 min for compo of 400 to 600 words.. i felt so tensed up when e room was echoing e sound of pen knocking against e table when everyone started writing.. anyway i broke my own new record of finishing e alomost 500 word one in 23 min.. haha.. great achievement for me.. n its an argumentative one..
anyway.. i felt sad for not able to find e answer for one compre question.. they v pathetic lo.. give 15 min for 15 compre question.. i spent for at least 3 min on that question bt cant find e answer.. =(
now v afraid of not being able to get e highest level for that.. need one or two mths bah.. jus pray.. cos i don wan to waste 82 dollars..
n ya.. fri went to taiwanese gathering again.. was feeling bad tis time.. so think that it wasnt fun tis time.. n that stupid fish n co staff.. it took them almost one hr to serve my drink.. omg.. no need to mention e food.. i only got my drink when everyone finished their food n had their plates cleared, some of them even left while i still sat there waiting for my fish n chip.. too much le bah.. lousy service.. still dare to charge me service charge.. made me so humiliated.. idiotic.. hai..
anyway.. think going to call him someday.. hehe..

r u happy..?

2005-03-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. n, happy birthday.. im really sorry..
sorry to yy..
sorry to hm..

was sorry abt wat happened on thurs.. i noe how u felt.. really.. i was at fault.. bt i didnt mean it..
was looking at e photos of grace, u, van.. suddenly had a thought.. do u feel happy being with me..?
i think van was happy being with her.. i think she thinks that she had chosen e right side.. at least she seemed happy..
u were not happy those few wks.. ever since it happened.. although i don really noe wat had happened.. i haven seen u laughing as freely as b4 for those days.. i think i should noe e reason.. bt im afraid its not wat i thought.. its not so simple..
well, wat i wanted to say is.. if u think u have chosen e wrong side, which i think u had.. its time for u to change side.. if u say i had posed u in a difficult position, i wan to say i don wan to care for someone hus not worth it.. if u say is cos of me u cant go back to wat u wan to chose, cos u have chosen wat u have chosen.. then wat can i say.. how sad.. watever u wan to do, is not going to affect me, i can walk alone.. i can for so many yrs.. i can now..
y r all tis happening.. hello, we r sec 4.. wat hav i done wrong that i hav to face n deal with all those immaturity every now n then.. i was at fault? of wat? for caring e wrong person? for being a busybody? do i hav to apologise for that? now then i noe.. how stupid..
i really felt that u wan to go n sit with van.. back to e life u used to hav with them.. im fine.. im not stopping u anyway.. anytime u like.. really..
well, if e fault still lies with me.. jus forget that i existed.. alrite, im sorry for my existence ok.. sorry for u having to bear with it.. anyway, its only half a yr left..
ive nv wanted things to become like tis.. i swear.. y is life so difficult.. mayb e life of only me n dj is better.. only e two of us.. being anti-social.. no quarrels, no backstabbing, no choosing of sides.. only u n me..
do i hav to change anything of myself? ya, mayb.. don care so much for e anything not worth it.. change my focus to syf, studies, n most imptly in student correspondent.. i started doubting on e extent that one should care for a fren..
wat i can do so that u would forgive me? i really don wan u to b angry.. for we had went through so many things together.. i missed e time when we chatted in class.. bt i noe i cant stop u in doing anything.. including e sides u wan to chose..
though i still regrets on wat had happened on thurs morning.. im really sorry, i would do anything u wan to compensate u if u wish.. bt thats really how i felt.. anyway.. am i right..? answer me..
could somebody jus lend me a shoulder..? jus for a while..

sph.. my new home..

2005-03-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

went to sph today for tian ying 1st meeting.. though no. of ppl decreased by half, im happy that e ones hu came today still bond as one grp..
one of our grp leader hs told us histories of tian ying.. i hope that our grp wont hav somebody like that.. can c that everyone in our grp hates that kind of backstabbers..

after that we went junction 8 kfc to hav dinner.. 7 of us.. it was fun.. we were sharing jokes for e whole of one hr plus.. haha..

anyway.. think that our seniors n leaders v kind n friendly.. chatted with us for quite a long time.. i was happy to b in tian ying.. to join e big family of tian ying..
e whole thing has jus started.. gd shows r still behind e curtains..

will i regret..?

2005-03-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

sat was e last day of orientation at sph.. it was so memorable.. i felt so sad..
anyway i skipped a lot of other activity like i was supposed to go co n syf is coming, should attend e hsk lesson n it is two wks later, there was an audition scheduled, n huang cheng ye yun was on sat nite which i wished i could go.. so many important things i should attend that clashed together..
i pondered for a long while n it was a difficult decision to make.. how i wished i could divide myself so that i could attend everything.. every one was my dream.. even co.. yes.. bt in e end i chose sph as i considered student correspondent as top priority, i dreamt for so long to b one of them..
so sorry to co.. i wanted to do well in e syf, n of cos in e hsk.. i noe i promised my sis to go for e audition n hm to go for huang cheng.. im sorry.. i regret for not going to any one of them.. bt i think i will regret even more if i didnt go for last day of camp..
cos there was a mock press conference that day.. it was so professional.. though it was our 1st time attending we did a gd job.. n outdoor game in e afternoon.. i think games was e best method to bind everyone together.. n guess wat.. we were e 1st to reach sph.. i was so proud to b in tianying.. oso, there was a wan hui on that evening.. i love e mass dance, i love wilbur pans wu ha.. haha.. it jus roxz..
n in e end, we got e best grp award, tian ying was e best grp.. we rock.. haha.. im so proud of tian ying ppl..
on e 1st day, i was so disappointed on e grp i was in.. bt now, i was honoured to b in e grp of tian ying, i love tian ying ppl, cos we simply rocks.. haha.. thanks to our grp leader, thanks to e organisers, thanks to lian he xue sheng tong xun ju le bu..
anyway, i think i will always rmb e camp, e parts when we were together.. at pulau ubin, where we sat at e rd table n ate like family.. e times we cheered.. at e mass dance, we kept repeating 'haha'.. e practice for talentime, e two chiobus of our grp, gx n jn.. at e outdoor game, how bonded we were.. at e moment when we won e best grp.. after e wan hui, when we hugged each other..
i was proud to noe e enthu ppl from my grp..
my dear frenz from tian ying.. mj (pretty fren from pcss), sm (bright n lively fren), fd (nice fren), zh (sweet roc from rgs), gx (cute n sweet fren from kc), wd, zw, yy, ll, jn (chiobu no.1), dj (looked like our yi jia zhi zhu from chinese high), gx (chiobu no.2).. n of cos our grp leaders.. hs, lz, cx, qq.. wish u guys sweet dreams..
thanks for being in my life..
looking forward to meeting u guys on 25th march n 9th april..

three cheers n three cheers n three cheers for tian ying
ohm-ah-ah-ah, ohm-ah-ah-ah, ohm-ah-ah-ah, oleh-oleh-ah,
tian ying tian ying wo ai ni, tian ying tian ying ni zui bang..
may e spirit of tian ying stays..

btw.. forgot to mention a guy from rui ying.. i like his eyes.. admire e way he is.. haha.. bt didnt hav e chance to noe him.. he wasnt at e wan hui on e last nite.. sad eh.. still rmb when at e pulau ubin, at xia chi..
today is sch reopen.. hope eveything will b fine.. though e whole holiday was packed n didnt do anything.. hai..

could it come true..?

2005-03-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

today was 6E de class gathering.. i wanted to go so much.. bt i got orientation camp for student correspondent.. bt i not sad at all, cos today was fun at pulau ubin..
today really fun leh.. cos nv been to pulau ubin b4 then v excited.. went there by sea.. jus feel excited cos.. 1st time there la huh.. haha.. then tried interviewing other ppl which we dunno for e 1st time.. so cool manx.. n after that we went junction 8 attend e you hua jiu shuo live recording xian chang lu ying.. there was a guy which we agreed that hes disgusting.. yuckx.. anyway e whole thing was nice.. n i got xu zhen rong signature.. haha.. we think he looks better in real life than tv..
btw.. i dreamt of ... today.. e dream was sweet.. hehe.. though i noe its jus a dream.. bt i really liked e feeling.. haha.. anyone noes wats e percentage for a dream to come true? hope that its high.. haha.. cos it was really a sweet dream that i liked so much.. omg..
jus hope that someday.. hehe.. (kou shui dou liu chu lai le.. stop it la u disgusting..)

finally..

2005-03-16T09:10:00.000+08:00

sorry to..
sorry to yy.. so that i can always rmb my mistake..

tis wk everydays full.. no time to study except for nites.. got 4 days co, orientation camp for student correspondent.. yup.. i finally got in.. hoorray.. they called me only on sat nite.. anyway.. gd news.. hehe..
tmr is e day of e camp.. looking forward to it.. i wonder wat grp ill b in..
n today will b e exchage programme with woodgrove sec..
btw.. mon went shopping with cy.. we went bugis n orchard.. didnt buy much.. after that we went parkway to hav dinner.. chatted for a few hrs lidat..
ytd oso got co sec one orientation.. e games were boring cos some were copied directly from e sec three camp.. they didnt noe how to make it fun so e whole thing sucks..

y not me.. again..

2005-03-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

common test finally finished ytd.. haha.. today we were e only class not having test today.. cos we re pure lit class.. haha..
ya.. n finally made an improvement on c lit.. he got e same mark as me.. hehe..
btw.. mon there was i on bus 31.. then at parkway a guy come up.. n haha.. he sat beside me.. omg he was really shuai loh.. mayb not to that v much extent la.. but his hairstyle rox lo.. haha.. highlighted silvery white.. super nice.. n he was wearing white.. v tall oso.. haha.. too bad he alighted at bedok.. he v much of dx style manx.. omg.. v shuai leh.. haha.. stupid me.. he must hav a gf oready.. so me jus looking ard la k..
n last fri was e national chinese debate held in our sch.. i was e mc.. felt v sehr bt v hot cos need to wear tie.. n i was nervous that i read one of e ahs girls name wrongly.. im so sorry.. bt i think e 3rd one from coral is quite gd.. looks not bad.. is a girl.. likes e way she presents.. haha..
today was thinking.. n realised that y am i always fail in everything.. life isnt fair.. i always don get wat i wan.. ever since i came into cchms.. where was wrong.. i cant figure it out.. i got my height, got a few frens, got e sch i wanted.. bt i don like e way of me presenting myself.. sounds weired.. i don get into any auditions nor interviews.. be it e talentimes, sports day, debate, student corespondent, chinese comps, even co comm, ccs comm, always got rejected.. am i really that incapable that i don excel in anything? nothing im gd at.. even theres only two persons in cello i oso don get e post higher jus cos i don learn that long, mayb that sounds unfair to her.. got into e story telling jus cos there no one to take part n i was in sch.. sounds so stupid.. i was only a subst to everything, i got it jus cos no one wanted or wanted to b.. i cant believe that i even lose to such sucky ppl hu can get into e co comm when i was out.. lose to that bitch in ccs.. lost all e comp in last yr july n aug.. lost ytd interview.. lost everything.. except my mum n dad..
everything is my fault.. cos of me ring was stolen, cos im a girl bro was born, cos of me we came here, cos of me move hse, cos of me u need undergo operation, everythings is cos of me n is my fault.. ya blames everything on me..
wat for im born..? to b e loser so that someone wins..? do u think u noe me now as responsible is going to help me? i don giv a damn.. u think ure so great? don b stupid i tell u.. i jus wanted to... pls..
now e only thing i don wan lose is gold in syf n tjc..
can i.. borrow a shoulder..? pls.. jus for a while..

cant wait for that day..

2005-03-05T19:01:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. i felt sorry.. get well soon.. :)
sorry to yy..

today was quite sad that zao bao didnt ask me for interview.. bt they called me in e afternoon that i should be there n i wasnt.. thank god they bothered to call again.. n informed me for another interview time.. phew.. wat a relief..
ytd went to tm to eat at an american restaurant which e food wasnt really worth e price paid lah.. n think i wont visit there again.. quite ex..
n sth that a forgot to mention on 26/2.. that morning went to co.. was raining so heavily that i got all wet.. n was at e locked front gate thinking that should i jus climb in.. then thanks to junhong that he help us (there was co member) open e gate.. then i did sth extremely stupid.. my forehead banged against gate.. omg damn embarrassing.. bt he didnt laugh at me bt asked whether im alrite.. haha.. thanks.. n on my way to e co rm a girl from band shared e umbrella with me n said if not ill fall sick.. was feeling really touched.. was a sec three girl n for e 1st time i changed my opinion for e younger generation.. a super sweet girl.. chao nice.. after that i stood under e aircon to dry myself.. bt didnt fall sick..
think thats all for today.. thanks a lot to huimei, for being in my life.. really thanks

six months more or six months left..

2005-03-02T05:30:00.002+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

two mths passed.. failed a few tests n sec three syllabus was still in e air.. hai..
mon was e release of o level results.. some of those whom i expected to hav gd results turned out a bit unexpected whereas some of those hu got gd grades r whom i nv expected them to get such score.. like rl, dx, jk, gn.. yup..
anyway as for me.. gotten my o level chinese.. was such a relieve cos i thought that i might get an A2 bt in e end guess wat.. i got an A1.. phew.. or i might jus end up in e chung cheng lake.. btw our class ppl de reaction quite outstanding la.. as in e way they were in ecstacy.. over that piece of result slip.. like a great achievement..
oso begin to worry abt yr end o level.. though is still quite far bt time really passes b4 u noe it.. so many things to study will i b able to finish studying..?
oso got saw dx bt sadly is from a far dist.. think he became more handsome cos havent seen him for a long time.. missed him more those two days cos we r learning differentiation.. haha..
sat was quite a fun day oso.. hehe.. think e present was so nice that i wanted one myself.. haha.. he called to thank us.. glad that he sounded happy.. :)
sat oso went suntec to hav reunion dinner with my dad.. haha.. mc n hm.. quite sad that eve n hl wasnt able to join us.. anyway we hav an unspoken consensus that we all wore black n black sling bags..
ytd in sch attended e 1st mc enrichment course.. nth much abt that..
met my little bro outside lang room.. da hai.. he 'huh'ed v loudly for dunno wat reason.. haha..
btw thurs was my turn to tell a story during flag raising.. was quite nervous bt it turned out not bad.. according to mt..
co stopped practices for two wks for common tests.. a bit unwise cos syf jus ard e corner.. hope we can get a gold again tis yr..
anyway haven slept for e whole nite.. was trying to complete my ss mind map.. a bit paiseh to hand in so late, cos i was e ss rep.. haha..
time to prepare for sch le.. gd morning..

wat is e feeling of liking someone..?

2005-02-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

ytd was interclass soccer.. i wanted to watch bt i cant.. cos got co.. so sad.. bt i feel that im becoming more n more towards co now.. 4 yrs of experience made me wanting to join co in jc, well if i really get into tj.. although i oso wan to join bball lah.. cos i jus like bball so much.. anyway, i liked e way co performs on stage, n liked e feeling of being on stage with co.. is co not all co ppl.. cos some co ppl jus sucks, jus cant stand some of them.. bt oso got gd n responsible one like junhong, he v cute, fredrick, n talented guy like tingkai, my dearest junior huiling, shiyun, stephanie n of cos a lot more lah.. anyway, syf is jus one day b4 cdc performance.. hope we get gold again tis yr.. pls..
n today was talentime audition.. think e chance for me getting into e final is like.. hai.. cos like 50 over soloist tis yr.. so sad.. no one wan to sing duet with me.. hai.. last yr le.. jus hope that i can go into jc.. most preferably tj..
on e bus joy told me if u hav a bf then ull keep on thinking n worrying whether he will change his heart not.. if not that means u don like him enough.. is that true..? that means ive not been liking him enough..? i don think so bah.. it depends hu that ure liking rite.. cos according my memory, i don remember encountering such feeling that time.. not bcos i didnt like enough, its bcos hes e rite one.. im e one hus at fault.. shouldnt hav hurt him that much.. cos hes e one worrying that ill don wan him.. does that mean hes true to me.. definitely rite.. bt too late now.. i don qualify to say these things long time ago.. mayb e possibility didnt remain since e time of my mistake.. im sorry n i regrets.. even till now..
how long can e feeling of admiring somebody remains..?
how can he change his mind so fast.. or did everything jus meant to b a joke from e v beginning..? i dunno.. or did i do anything wrong..
one day ill jus tell jh.. ur joke is simply too big.. stop making tis kind of assumptions of ur own..
sometimes i really wonder..

empty..

2005-02-21T20:15:00.000+08:00

today was a bit abnormal.. not my usual self.. 1st thing morning i woke up at 7.. then reached sch at ard 8.. n for e rest of e day nothing went in n nothing came out.. is jus empty.. not enough eaten, not enough rest, sleep, not enough reading, studying.. a lot.. was like arrrgh.. dunno wat to do.. feeling sick.. i don wan to continue like tis.. can someone jus pull me along..
anyway.. ytd was co perf at expo.. alrite e food plus our perf sucks like hell.. e venue oso a bit.. ya n we took photo with e president.. haha.. then was damn tired.. somemore wearing high heel was like so torturing.. only for ytd dunno y..
sat went co in e morning, late again bt jh still didnt say anything.. haha thanks hor.. after that went to c instrument with jh n fredrick.. ate lunch with e conductor.. actually quite fun la e whole afternoon.. bt noe them too late.. haha.. actually jh quite cute..
after that went to e taiwanese student gathering.. saw a lot shuai guys n mei nu.. omg they r really handsome n gorgeous lo.. a few eyes really beautiful manz..n i was so stupid that i forgot to ask for their nos.. sad eh.. we ate steam boat at paradize centre.. then left a few only we went play pool.. e part when we were in e restaurant was fun lah.. e time when they all came to introduce themselves.. got a few guys v cute as in their actions n expressions la.. like v shy like that.. got a guy called aaron.. his eyes v big n hes v gentleman.. a guy hu is half hong kong half taiwan v v cute in his actions la.. then a guy v cute in his expressions.. got a lot more la.. cant finish liao.. haha.. so long nv went out with so many taiwanese.. felt so happy.. yuppps..

sentimental yr..

2005-02-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. hope i didnt hurt u that much last time.. n get over with it soon..
sorry to yy..

today went kallang kfc again with hm.. then we chatted e whole afternoon.. there seemed to b never ending topics for us.. haha.. dunno where did it came from.. anyway talked abt a lot of things.. oso got write a bit of hw la.. cos tis wk test- free.. dunno left how much time that we can talk.. graduating soon.. was thinking whether we could still keep in touch after that..
after that on bus saw one ns guy.. haha.. think he quite cute.. cos his clothes seemed to b a bit big for him.. n he oso wore e army cap.. hes quite tall oso.. ok full stop..
ytd was co.. got hl into syf bt really felt v sorry for yj.. hai.. hope hes ok..
n sun going to hav performance at expo.. after that i think performed at almost all e stages oready leh.. haha.. like esplanade, victoria concert hall, national indoor stadium, suntec convention hall n of cos in sch..
sat going to one taiwanese gathering.. quite looking forward to that oso..
i missed e time we were training for story telling comp last yr.. it was so memorable.. then got to noe mc n eve.. got closer to hl n hm oso.. although e blind judges didnt giv us at least 3rd, i still remembers e times that we had together.. b it gd or bad.. i missed them so much.. n i could remember on e finals on 14th august 2004, at e part where we r supposed to snatch e pillow from each other, hm fell down leh.. jus in front of me (im so sorry hm..) .. haha.. now i recall i was still laughing bt at that time i didnt laugh at all loh.. didnt even had a grin.. none of us had a grin on our face n e audience thought that its inside e script that she should fall down.. haha.. we so pro manx.. (hm really sorry hor..)
those days oso thought a lot of other things that happened in e past.. mayb its more sentimental when in sec 4 bah.. recalled n reflected a lot.. esp e gd times we hav in my sec sch life.. i always thought that its like only e day b4 i went into cchms n now im graduating oready.. 4 yrs really passed v fast.. nothing gold can stay (could still remember mr lees e lit lesson in sec 2.. hes such a gd n humorous teacher that my results improved from c6 to b3..) ..
todays conclusion.. i thought ive grabbed sth after many yr of sec sch life, then i finally came to realize that im left with an empty heart.. bt im gratified to hav true frenz along.. thanks to ppl like nm hl dj hm van yy henry.. oops.. cant finish liao.. haha.. nx time then finish bah.. nitez..

could that b possible..?

2005-02-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

ytd was being bangsehed again.. jus no one told me that there was no dazu that morning.. which was said during cny rehearsal.. stupid cny.. stupid co.. tmd..
ytd went parkway.. bought quite a lot stuff for valentines.. think tmr going to b alone again.. anyway tmr lessons till 4.. so not too bad.. anyway, its been many yrs that im alone.. think tmr a lot hu noes me got to b v fortunate.. haha..
n went to airport today.. to c my dad off..
though got 4 days holiday bt didnt do much things cos my dad is here.. if i go on like this ill definitely flunk o level.. got to find some way out.. mayb after tmr.. better buckle up.. ganbade..
they broke up today.. quite sad.. again he thinks itll b better for her, she ll b happier.. is that so.. i guess hes wrong.. at least i wasnt.. anyway pity for him..
btw.. shes further away from me now.. at least lighter weight in my heart now.. bt not i created tis ok.. don think im anyway responsible for that.. not my fault.. i oso don wan that to happen.. quite sad for her..
ppl walks in n out of ya life.. guess shes creating distances btw us.. cos she likes to bring me bad memories..

learn how to appreciate..

2005-02-09T19:15:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

ytd was cny celebration..
arent performance ic means performance in charge n was supposed to take over all e things needed for e performance as well as performers.. bt sad to say a lot doesnt noes how to appreciate.. i only did wat e teacher told me to do.. like in charge of e backstage, ava, things like that was all wat was told to me.. well, i pity those hu only had e ability to talk n complain rather than produce sth useful.. i pity them for they will not b leading as they don even noe how to follow n appreciate.. sad isnt it..
bt i did made one mistake ytd.. i forgot to usher e principal back to his seat as i was on e other side of e stage.. hai.. shouldnt have forgotten that..
got to thank yy oso.. felt fortunate to hav a fren like him..
n thanks to fredrick.. (thinks he conducts v well for co..)
oso wan to express my heartfelt gratitude to all performing cca leaders hu help me during e rehearsal.. including junhong, fredrick n rit from co, karyn n yaozong from band, lizhen, jiamin n jiawen from 1hm, cdc, fangyu from wushu,n prcs.. oso to stage managers, hm n derek, ava ppl n those backstage crews hu had really done their job.. last bt not least to jiangbin n those hu helped to make tis event possible..
after e whole thing, me, hm, van, jy, n hl went back to lao yu sheng.. haha.. my 1st time laoing that.. quite fun oso..
then we went kfc n spent like 2 h there.. met ws n other guys like jt.. she gav us angbaos with sweets inside.. thanks hor.. at 1st dickson wanted to giv us tissue.. haha..
after that we planned to go home bt sth happened so we ended up chatting on e overhead bridge near kallang there.. haha.. my 1st experience chatting on e overhead bridge.. n i was wearing e jeans with a lot wear n tear which made me looked like one of e begger.. haha.. spent abt 3 h there.. although a bit stupid bt unforgettable experience siax..
today thanks to hm, van n fredrick.. haha..

treasure it when u have it..

2005-02-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

today learnt sth new.. juvenile delinquent.. thats wat can b used to describe that bastardised criminal.. that pea brained thing that stole my private property.. moron..X(.. gonna curse that delinquent everyday until it became crippled..
today nothing much.. went kbox with my family.. then went giant.. saw e guy that i saw last time.. think he quite poor lah.. cos his looks not bad bt he selling miscellaneous goods inside giant.. think he can get better jobs bt ended up like that.. anyway actually not my business.. bt saw him quite a lot of times le.. quite pity..
today conclusion.. must study hard when ure given e opportunity.. or else when theres no help given it will b difficult.. so treasure it when u have it n don regret..:)

happy chinese new yr..

2005-02-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

today my dad is here.. brought a lot food that is not sold here.. hooray.. ^o^.. n hes going to spent his 8 days here.. how fantastic..
thurs n fri was cny rehearsal.. e 1st rehearsal was not bad lah.. bt e bad part started from when e rehearsal ends.. some stupid idiotic moron with filthy hand n especially e heart, despicably stole my beloved wallet.. sobx.. theres my most treasured objects leh.. like e hearts n e blessing thing hm gave me during story telling com last yr.. so sad.. n a lot my movie tics.. wuwa.. oso e letter we wrote lo.. time will nv return which means ive lost all of them completely.. e wallet is wat my mum bought for me de lo.. that son of e b****.. damn it.. hope that wretched guy jus get its retribution..
anyway.. without that incident, e 1st rehearsal totally rox.. cos nv had e chance to hold a walky talky.. n was given one on that day.. v fun using that.. haha.. looking v seh with that.. especially being e organiser, though its v tiring.. all went smoothly for e 1st rehearsal.. bt e 2nd rehearsal sucks like hell.. n wushu e most sucky cca in cchms.. so rude n self-centered.. its been a long time since ive met such arrogant ppl.. so that day was in quite a mess.. bt at least i felt seh.. being e organiser in front of co ppl.. haha..
tis wk got a series of 4 tests.. thurs got chem hcl n amaths.. fortunately in btw got 1 or 2 periods to study.. fri got amaths again.. binomial theorem.. actually was a bit easy de bt didnt manage to study finish.. so sad..
today was co practice in audi.. don actually noe wat that conductor was conducting everytime.. anyway a lot oso don actually noe half e time..
he oso started talking to me oready le.. congrats.. tis time must treasure hor..
ya btw.. nowadays damn pissed with her.. shes not honest enough even towards her frenz.. which is wat i hate.. she should b more sincere in e other way like don care abt face so much when we all noe hus fault is that.. i think i don agree with her attitude towards cny deco n rehearsal.. jus can agree with her that wat she did was correct.. ya.. bt anyway, however i don disagree with her actions or behaviour, ill still regard her as my fren lah, jus that i still won stand in e same line with her n do things which i think is not right.. cos we r not a gang n therefore no need to cover up for her..
n ytd oso went eat kfc with hm ytd after e rehearsal.. though ive talked to her using a rude tone earlier on as i was pissed by e wushu ppl.. thank god she noes..
oso got ot b sorry to those ive offended at e same time after e rehearsal.. ppl like hl, xl, joy, yl, yl, yt, ws.. which is all that ive cared.. n thanks to wilber, derek, bh, yy, yl, thank ur so much..
todays conclusion.. wushu ppl sucks.. being an organiser was so seh n e cheng jiu gan was so great.. haha..

looking back..

2005-01-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... ..
sorry to yy..

today went parkway kbox.. angela de yu yan v v.. err.. nice..? i apologise for my limited vocab :x.. went home quite early then slept e whole day.. didnt do anything again..
ytd was in sch doing deco for cny.. fri went hm hse n we finished e banner in one nite.. without sleeping.. hai.. so tiring.. bt actually v fun.. ppl invovled.. hm lh derek.. had roti prata as supper.. n we were decorating e floor using chalk.. haha.. we traced our hands n took photo of that.. we even traced derek (he lay on e floor then we traced him).. when e banner was abt to complete, dunno y we suddenly started taking photos of ourselve.. for me i think some of my photos v nice.. especially e one i took with hm.. damn nice (oops..) .. haha.. v fun.. anyway 1st overnite with lh.. derek was several times n hm many times.. actually planned to stay in sch.. bt tis yr e security v tight.. i missed e days we stayed in sch.. anyway staying with them was fun.. derek speaked lame for e whole nite.. dots.. bt we still laughed throughout.. a bit sorry for e neighbours lah.. too bad.. then went to lh hse slept a little then went sch again.. damn tiring bt still cant finish e deco.. bt v pathetic.. every class got at least half e class come back or to b cool like md which is no one came back.. unlike our class.. a few pathetic ppl only.. well special thanks to yy, henry, yl hu was e only prc, hm, derek, yl, lh, wh, n of cos xl..
wed was in fish tank doing my late compo unitil 4 sth.. then went ccs.. after that went fish tank again to meet shujuan.. then to my surprise i saw ... .. he still so tall n shuai.. n he dyed his hair to light brown.. so handsome looking.. omg.. btw i did sth v stupid bt nvm.. jus didnt expect see him on that day.. ya.. n i jus felt that its like time has went to e old times when hes still in sch bt anyway, e feeling only stayed a little while.. he wore black shirt n jeans.. although his 3 other frens wore e same thing, hes still so outstanding..
n btw.. e c lit test was damn easy.. all those difficult ones nv come out.. n i think ive basically memorised everything from e notes n jus copied everything down.. felt so relieved that i nv pon e test which i had been thinking of doing.. phew..
those few days met a lot ppl which ive nv seen for a really long time.. like... n kah hui (dunno whether spelled correctly.. saw him one day at bedok interchange..).. a lot others oso.. bt cant really remember..
cant think of any other significant things that happened recently..
todays conclusion.. yu yan rox.. i don like him like wat i did last time bt jus felt hes still handsome as b4.. thanks to e bunch of ppl that helped in e cny deco, which includes me.. haha..

recalling..

2005-01-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... .. hope u forgive me.. is it possible btw us again..
sorry to yy..

wa.. so fast one mth of my sec 4 passed.. faster than ive expected..
well.. tis mth was like thought a lot.. cos is e last yr of life in chung cheng.. e so called e most precious n golden time in life is ending.. :'( i donno how to describe e feelng.. its jus sad concentrated with regrets.. jus cant stop myself from regretting n feeling sorry for e yrs wasted..
looking at e juniors n e problems n everyday life they r facing, its like seeing myself in e past.. thats wat was me.. they r jus stepping after our footsteps n so r we.. stepping after those seniors that hav graduated..
sth seemed to hav been realised bt i cant figure out wat is it.. its some kind of feeling.. that i ve been soaked in, in e past one mth..
tis mth was like really quite wasted.. cos didnt really studied much of e sec 3 work.. must buckle up le.. or else wont b able to go my dreamed tj.. jus think abt e life in tj will make me feel excited oready.. went to their open hse once.. though was quite stupid to go open hse at sec 3.. bt i did.. n tj was super.. a lot better than wat was seen on e outside..
ya.. todays dream was so memorable.. dreamed of ... at last.. its been a long time since e last time.. n how long is it since we last met? or even talk?.. hai.. hope time could heal all e wounds.. n hope one day we can... ..
btw.. today he finally smiled to me.. at that moment i seemed to feel a piece of big rock was unloaded from my heart.. err.. e expression may b quite inapprpriate bt thats how i felt.. after that incident i lived in e life of regrets.. now must treasure tis returned frenship n.. ya jus treasure it n handle it.. promise i wont do it again.. its really a promise..
todays conclusion.. frenship is fragile, must get a sticker from e airport which says:" handle with care!".. haha.. though a bit lame bt i cant help.. cos with henry cooling e environment to e maximum everyday in sch, some of e skills has been imparted.. haha.. thanks henry.. :p

downcast n melancholy

2005-01-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

sorry to... .. i still miss u so much..
sorry to yy..

ytd went bugis.. met joy.. n finally bought e skirt that ive wanted long time ago .. feel so happy.. think going to buy a bag i saw ytd on tues.. haha.. feel so contented.. bt e amt of money spent making me feel like crying.. wuwu..
ya.. btw was given e chance to b in charge of performance planning for chinese new yr in sch.. feel so honoured.. hehe.. was like taking over a great job.. performing on that day oso..
ytd oso went co.. fredrick sounded sick.. which i think passed to me quite a bit.. cough cough.. haha.. got practice for expo.. only a few ppl which they say was specially chosen de.. e song was quite simple to me.. bt only got 2 more practices left.. ganbadene~
hai~ tis yr de 1st wish going to b gone le.. that oso made me keep thinking abt e past these few days.. only if i hadnt chosen that option few yrs ago i won feel so miserable now..
recently oso started liking e theme song of love 2000.. feel that it sounds like my feeling now.. e same yr oso leh.. so sad.. a lot questions poping out n disappearred b4 me had e time to think thru n ans.. anyway hoping e best for him n me as well.. me especially co syf tis yr n o level..
n ya.. today dream of me got into tjc.. haha.. tj so fantastic manz.. only if i can get in tj nx yr will b a great yr for me ahead..
still got a lot hw haven finish.. n three tests nx wk.. amaths egeog n clit.. feel so stressed..
if i can choose to go back to e past.. can choose any part of e time.. i wan to choose e yr.. don make such a stupid decision.. get better results for psle.. don waste time in sec one two n three..
bt at least sec 3 is better.. i did a lot things i dream of doing it like climbing e gate.. haha.. last yr was such a memorable yr..
today's feeling.. thinking abt e past while looking into e future.. makes me feel so downcast n melancholy..

yoohoo~

2005-01-21T13:25:00.000+08:00

sorry to... .. may ya..
sorry to yy for betraying ya trust..

yoohoo~finally a holiday.. had been waiting for so long..
bt e amt of hw piled up was like.. err.. omg.. bt at least ytd slept for one whole day.. if every wk fri no need go that would b e best i think..
tmr morning still got co.. bt tmr got small orchestra practice.. quite looking forward to it.. haha..
jus now saw chiayings friendster photo.. v v nice ^_^..
tis yr v empty eh.. last yr still can look at e bball court when i feel lonely.. tis yr extra empty manz.. look at e bball court eveythings gone,, no one in e real to think..
y wait for things to b gone then regret..?
y wait for e time to b past tense then wan to treasure..?
like love.. like friendship..
sending my most sincere apology n regret to those that i hav failed to keep my promises..
esp to... .. n to yy..
today still feel like playing bball v much.. nothing much of other things.. got to study today..

thinking of e past while looking into e future..

2005-01-20T03:00:00.000+08:00

sorry to ... for wasting life of ya yr2000..wish..
sorry to yy for betraying ur trust..
thanks to dj for accompanying me for e yr2003.. all e best in us..
thanks to pt 2 for esplanade..
thanks to lilaoshi in june july august in yr2004..
thanks to sec 3 camp in yr 2004..
thanks to them for brightening up my days..
thanks to hl nm hm van yl yy henry derek ws wilbur for fulfilling my life with joy..
thanks to 3gr'04/4gr'05.. *note* only some ppl
thanks to ... thank ya v much..
thanks to pvps, cchms.. n cchmsco in yr2003
i miss ... miss guzheng.. miss german.. i miss sec 3 life..

yoohoo~a fresh start.. though a bit formal n brainless.. starting on e eve of emaths test..
anyway.. feeling v stressed at sec 4.. its like at e terminal stage of cancer.. everyday sit there waiting to die like that..err..no.. correction.. dying still need study so hard so many hw.. hai..stress manz.. can i jus get some sickness or sth so that i can rest for one day..
hello.. can anyone jus organise a bball interclass for girls.. im dying for a match..
todays conclusion.. fredrick is more reliable sometimes.. c lit sux..physics even more sucky.. ss rocks..jay chou rocks..